AYDMF: Bad days happen

I was pissed as hell yesterday. I don’t know what happened, but my brain took a vacation. Maybe it was shocked into submission after being tossed back into academia on Monday. I dunno. The entire week has been a bust thus far, but let me just run down Tuesday for you:

After I got dressed (lately I cannot find anything to wear. I spend a considerable amount of time staring at my clothes, trying on this and that, tossing stuff on my bed and still being unsatisfied), I gathered my things and started to leave. I was headed for the bus stop. I went down the stairs, out the door, locked it, and stopped – oh, I forgot a jacket. See, it’s freezing in my classrooms (all except one, which is sweltering) and I needed to carry a sweater or something. I opened the door, back up the stairs, opened the other door and grabbed a hoodie. Then, I realized that I needed a bigger bag to carry it in. See, I usually carry a bag that houses my laptop, a book, my planner, and other normal purse stuff. This day, however, I had 3 extra books to carry for keeping in my locker. I had put them in a tote bag. Adding the hoodie meant I needed a larger tote. I got one and went through the same routine down the stairs and out of the door.

Oh, I forgot something else.

I Want to Work for Diddy – Mission 4

Briefly, last night’s episode was about Diddy.com. The Diddster wanted the potential assistants to make viral videos for the site. Apparently, Diddy’s been making viral vids for a minute and they’re all the rage – an assertion that was strange to me because I’ve never seen, nor heard, of any of them… and I’m ALWAYS online.

Anyway, once they got started you know Poprah had some expertise to contribute. Let her tell it, she’s a expert in everything. She says she has video production experience but pushes Brianna into the leadership/producer position. I don’t know why Brianna couldn’t see it, but she was clearly being set up for the okey doke. Poprah’s smart because she’s going to make her teammates eliminate themselves one by one. Her Uptown team comes up with the idea of “What would you do for Diddy?” and sets about filming average folks doing dumbass shit (writing “no bitchassness” on their heads, eating a frozen fishstick, etc).

Meanwhile, Downtown Team starts out trying to exploit Laverne’s sexual orientation for laughs. Way to move the movement. She was acting all peeved about it (to which she’s entitled), but decides to take one for the team if it means winning. Laverne’s no fool, let’s face it – Trannies are funny. Still, the calls from her team to “Tranny it up!” and “Go Tranny on ‘em!” were a bit much. *Dials GLAAD* Finally, Downtown settles on an idea mocking Diddy’s love for organic Mott’s Applesauce by using Boris as the “Applesauce Bandit.” Boris (the originator of that idea) was on board at first, but then he started to feel like he would be degrading himself. Why? Because he’s fat. Now I find it odd that he’d be all for exploiting Laverne, but feels some kind of way about wearing a tight outfit. DUDE… we know you’re fat in your everyday clothes! There’s no difference if you put on a costume!

I Want to Work for Diddy – Mission 3

Working for me is like a rollercoaster ride, or if you woke up and thrown into the middle of an action movie. You have to be ready to be dropped in the middle of the jungle. You have to be prepared for anything.
- The Tao of Diddy™

If they pull something out this beautiful and amazing, I will be shocked and RuPauled.
- Laverne

Oh damn. Talk about unfair. Only about a few of the contestants get called down by the RED PHONE (calls from which must be answered immediately) to pack their toiletries and get in the car. Once inside, they find out they’re headed to Paris, France! Pretty cool. Laverne, Boris, Kim and Suzanne head to Europe while the others chill back in NYC. I guess they can take solace in the fact that there will be no time for sightseeing or crepes. Just haulin’ ass for Diddy.

When they arrived, their assignment is to find a model, convince her to come to NYC and do a photoshoot. Oh, by 4pm. The NYC folks have to plan a “sexy, original” print ad for Sean John eyewear (hmm, I’m in the market for some new glasses).

In a city they don’t know, with a language no one can speak, my girl Laverne has enough Vogue, House of Ninja and Sashay Chante in her to set up a meeting with the model’s agent at a bakery. See, that’s why you need a Rainbow Coalition member on the team. Boris was just straight hating though. He really can’t get over his problems with Laverne being a transgendered woman.

I don’t care if I gotta walk to Zimbabwe, cut down some trees in a forest and jump on the back of a giraffe, but naked, with no money. If that’s my mission, I’mma come back successful.
- The Tao of Diddy

AYDMF: Man impaled on fence

Swiped from Philly.com

A 19-year-old man was impaled on a fence last night in South Philadelphia after he crashed an all-terrain vehicle into a police car and then tried to run away, police said.The ATV collided with the 17th Police District cruiser at 7:43 p.m. in 2200 block of Reed Street, police said. The man then ran a short distance with officers in pursuit.

As he tried to hop over an iron fence, the man was impaled. The Fire Department had to saw off part of the fence and leave the metal in the man’s body so he could be safely transported.

He was taken to Thomas Jefferson University Hospital where the fence was removed. He was reported in stable condition.

Police Internal Affairs is investigating whether an officer may have pulled on the man as he tried to climb over the fence, causing the impalement.

I saw this on the news this morning. Apparently, dude had like 22 warrants on him or something and tried to run from the police after crashing HIS ATV into THEIR car! This lil Nas ran, and tried to hop this iron fence. Not a chain link fence, but an iron jawn like this except higher.

Oh, and did I mention homeboy was um, portly?

To top the Nas-ery off, his family is screaming on the news that it’s the police’s fault. They say as he tried to hop the fence, police pulled his leg, causing him to come down upon the iron fence. Now, not that I think the police are above this kind of thing. They very well might have, on purpose or accidentally. But I’m more inclined to believe that this dude was running because he had mad warrants, knew he did something stupid and couldn’t get his tubby self up over that damned fence.

AYDMF!

Damn, Kevin

Dap to Megan for basically revealing Kevin to be an idiot and new CEO of Epic Fail Industries, while not doing it in an assholey way. Kudos.

Dumb Cop Tales – NY’s Finest

I swear, NYC must have a monopoly on stupid police officers.
Apparently, walking down a street with a long coat on can get you mistaken for a prostitute and arrested!

That’s basically what happened to Monica Gonzalez, a 40-year old grandmother. Gonzalez was arrested for prostitution after police spotted her walking in an area known for prostitution. That area, one block on Third Avenue, was also on the way from Gonzalez’ crib to a local hospital. She was on her way there because of complications with her asthma medicine. Officer Sean Spencer thought otherwise.

Gonzalez, wearing a long winter coat, was suddenly confronted by Spencer and another cop who jumped out of a marked SUV.

“He [Spencer] said, ‘I saw you going up to the car,’” Gonzalez recalled. “His partner said, ‘Let her go, I’ve never seen her here before,’ but he [Spencer] wouldn’t listen,” she said.

“I told him, ‘I’m somebody’s mother. I’m somebody’s daughter.’ I was hysterical crying.”

Spencer also busted a second woman on Third Ave. for prostitution and drove both suspects to the 72nd Precinct station house, where another cop called an ambulance for the asthmatic Gonzalez.

Spencer – who claimed Gonzalez was carrying a condom and had been arrested before as a hooker – swore out a complaint charging her with loitering for prostitution, according to court papers.

The officer claims the two women were approaching vehicles together, according to a police source.

“I have never, ever been arrested in my life,” Gonzalez told The News. “I did not have a condom.”

She hired a criminal defense attorney, Leon Schrager, and the Brooklyn district attorney’s office dismissed the case on May 29.

What’s that they say about representing yourself in court?

Oh man. Glad I checked out Crunk + Disorderly yesterday and saw this vid posted up there!

Man decides to represent himself in court, and has the genius idea to try and cause a mistrial by… FAKING A HEART ATTACK!

Unfortunately for him, the judge was already up on his tomfoolery/buffonery/crackheadishness and was not having it.

AYDMF.