Miss Rap Supreme, Ep 2

To begin with it’s Bye Bye Khia,

Damn. Serch says write a 16 bars. IMPROMPTU. Off the dome. ORIGINAL. This chick comes through with some shit she already recorded. Track 2 off of her album. Khia, boo, I understand how you’d think this could slip by the judges. I mean, not that many people have heard your album cuts outside of “My Neck, My Back.” But come on… the people at VH1 aren’t stupid. I will never forget you, girl. All RESPE due.

By this episode, I’m pretty sure Lady twist is a man. That’s all I gotta say about that.

So we get to the challenge… Seductive Raps in Lesbian Club. Grrrrreat!

Team Lionezz gets up there and D.A.B. has significant trouble riding the beat, despite what Nicky 2 States has to say.

Speaking of Nicky, she spits: “get it from behnd/take this cookie take my mind/freak my body freak my mind/fuck so good it should be a crime/oh my god, I’m so freaky/lick on me please touch me, eat me/oh shit now my panties wet/and I ain’t even get none yet/ain’t no sweat.” (lucky for you, I have DVR and could rewind to catch that crap)

“… you need more people.”* © Jay-Z

I’m going to say it straight up: I don’t believe white people** when they tell me they like my hair when I wear it natural. Let me explain.

By natural I mean in it’s normal, non-straightened, sans chemical state. Usually, I wear my hair pressed straight courtesy of the Dominicanas at Nuevo Estilo on 6th & Hunting Park. Every now and then, I get tired of that and want to go back to basics. 

Strangely enough, white people as a whole have not yet gained an understanding of the complexities of Black hair. Ask any Black woman and she’s bound to have a “hair story” about how some co-worker or classmate asked her some moronic question about their extensions or braids or afros or waves or … you get the point. 

Back to me, though. Thursday I changed my hair and wore a curly ‘fro. About 6 people came up to me and remarked “I like your hair like that.” Now, you might say “Bourgie, you’re bugging! They just like your hair!” To that, I’ll say ok, maybe 2 of them really did. The other 4 just wanted to REMARK and NOTICE my hair verbally and the only way to do so without sounding stupid in your own mind is to compliment. Sometimes they’re just so clueless of how to sit comfortably in a room with a person who is no afraid to let their hair be natural, they just HAVE to speak. How do I know these aren’t real compliments? Because it’s not simply “I like your hair,” but add a silly smile, awkward approach and additional comment like “lookin’ real ‘soul sistah’ today.” 

Vomit.

Then you get the uber white liberals who want so desperately to let you know that they love your big ol’ afro to add to their I-am-so-progressive-and-open-to-other-ethnicities-and-not-bound-by-Western-standards-of-beauty identity. 

You can’t deny that folks of any race often equate a natural hairstyle with certain politics, temperaments and ideas. They think you’re militant or angry or boho. Dare I harken to OutKast/Andre 3000, “…is every nigga with dreads for the cause? …Naw.”***  I’m not wearing a freakin’ costume here, people. 

Look, I’m not extra sensitive, but I know bullshit when I smell it.

 

*See Jay-Z - The Takeover
**Clearly I am generalizing here.
***See OutKast - Aquemini

Badu: “… And she can die”

Now, I already LOVE Erykah Badu. Why does she insist on continuing to do things to make me love her even more? She’s a witch, yo. I’m convinced. I digress.

If you haven’t already, check out this article from Blender Magazine where Sarah Bellum answers the uncommon questions and um, for lack of a better term, keeps it real. (note the pink parts, they had me rolling)

Who Does Erykah Badu Think She Is?

Your self-portrait is full of patterns and symbols. Do they mean anything? 

I’m a double Pisces, and they say we see things a little differently. We see as if we’re looking at things from under water. I just have a different point of view. 
 
And why did you draw a tuning fork? 
To be in tune with the frequency of the world, I use tuning forks in my music. Each one has a certain vibration that relates to a color, scent and set of organs. You can heal with tuning forks-I did it yesterday for somebody who had a cold. That’s a throat chakra issue, so it’s A. You put the tone of A from the head to the toe and it vibrates the mucus away. 
 
Do you remember your first experience with alcohol? 
I was at Grambling State University, and the fashion club had a little afterparty. They were playing a drinking game, I messed up and I had to drink a shot of Everclear. Next thing I remember was being back at my dorm on the bathroom floor. My girlfriends spent the night with me, to make sure I was cool. They said I was singing. I didn’t even know I was a singer at that point. 
 
So Everclear was the start of your career? 
Yes. Everclear made everything clear. 
 
Tell us about your worst haircut. 
I cut all my hair off in 1989. As it was growing out, I put it into these little twists and I went to my grandma’s house. She told me she wasn’t gonna let me in. “You look like rats have been sucking on your hair.” It’s funny, my black grandmother doesn’t really like anything black or African. (laughs) If it doesn’t look like “One Life To Live,” she doesn’t like it. 
 
How many people have you truly loved? 
I’ve always wanted the best for the people in my life. Except for one person: Bombita. She was in the fifth grade with me. And she can die. 
 
What? 
She was mean. She used to step on my toes, anything to make me mad. I hope she’s a ghetto statistic. And if that keeps me out of Heaven, then so be it. 
 
If we drug-tested you, what would we find? 
Wheatgrass. Green juice. Any kind of zionic bacteria, like chlorophyll and spirulina. I’m drug-free, alcohol-free. Isn’t that boring? Maybe I should be Kid Rock for a day. 

(this, I do not believe, by the way)
 
What would you do with that day? 
If I was Kid Rock for a day, I would go to the hood and talk shit, just to see what would happen. Talk lots of shit and start some fights with some big black dudes. 

What do you spend too much money on? 
I have a shoe fetish. And I spend a lot at Whole Foods. 
 
At least food is nutritious. You don’t need more than one pair of shoes. 
Are you crazy? Who are you? Now I’m pissed off. 
 
Let’s say you wake up in the middle of the night, and we’re putting all your shoes into a bag. What would you do? 
(laughs) I’d pull out my pistol and as I’m cocking the handle back, I’d ask you very nicely, “Put. The shoes. Back.” Slowly, so you would understand exactly what I’m saying. I think you would put the shoes back. 
 
You’re probably right. What habit do you have that other people find annoying? 
I’m late all the time. I have no perception of time. (laughs) Time is for white people. It doesn’t work with me. 

Who is your fantasy man? 
Batman. He’d let me drive that fast car. We’d go to Whole Foods and hold hands and take a shot of wheatgrass together. We’d go up to the counter, and he’d pay. I’d have an invisible jet, so we’d fly away -leave the car there, let Robin take care of it-and kiss in midair. We wouldn’t care who sees us. 
 
How would you describe your taste in sex? 
I’m such an organized person that it takes all the fun out of spontaneous sex. It has to be organized the way I want: the clothes have to be folded up neatly, my own music has to be playing. It just adds to the whole show-it’s all about me, it’s my show. 

Who was the last person you punched? 
My sister. And was pregnant. (laughs) Well, she was talking shit! 
 
Have you ever doubted your sexual orientation? 
Never. I’ve had a boyfriend since I was 5. His name was Benny, and he could make gun noises by crushing a milk carton with his foot. The first person I ever kissed was Huber Miles, in third grade. Then I asked him for money. (laughs) I thought it was appropriate. 
 
What does a kiss cost now? 
You have to change gods and wear crochet pants. You haven’t heard about me? 

SHEESH I love this woman!