“… cuz I be touchin’ myself like I was T-Boz.” © Missy

So… remember when Left Eye challenged Chili & T-Boz to an album-off of sorts? She claimed that she could sell more records than the others. While I seriously doubted that (I won’t get into my hierarchy of TLC and their relative contributions, IMO), this video casts a shadow over Tionne’s prospects at winning that battle. 

I remember when this jawn came out. I didn’t pay attention to it then. It was hard for me to watch the whole video through today. T-Boz was always my favorite in the group. Back in the day, my girls Carmelita, Vernice and I would dance around in Vernice’s living room to Janet Jackson and TLC. When TLC came on, we’d adopt personalities of the women and sing their parts. I always HAD to be T-Boz. Still, my affinity for the blonde cut, cool persona and bass-laden voice can’t make me ignore the grating annoyance that is Touch Myself. 

First of all, WHY? What the fuck does that song have to do with the movie Fled? Then again, the rest of the tracklisting is wack as well, see

Secondly, where was the budget for the video? Shit looks like, well, shit. She’s dancing with herself dressed as a man. Maybe, in some stretch of someone’s imagination, TBoz dressed as a man is in keeping with the whole “touch myself” premise of the song. I dunno and don’t care. Hire an extra. Hire a set designer. For the love of God, hire a stylist.

Third, lyrical content is nil. Check it out (written by Dallas Austin)…

Intro 
Oh, oh I, oh I 
Oh, oh I, oh I 

Verse 1 
When you’re alone what you do is what you do 
I’m not scared to say 
When you’re alone don’t you ever get confused 
Ain’t nothing wrong with making it feel good baby 

Chorus 1 
I won’t be afraid to touch myself 
It’s all right 
I said it’s all right 
I don’t think it’s wrong to touch yourself 
Ain’t nothing wrong with making it feel good 

Chorus 2- 
Every night I get away 
And I think about it baby 
You are on my mind 
I ain’t afraid to touch myself 
I don’t need nobody else 
It’s you baby, it’s you baby 

Verse 2 
When you’re alone what you need is what you need 
One time ecstasy 
People say it’s not the thing to do 
But that’s the safest way to making it feel good 

Chorus. Chorus. Chorus. 

Outro 
Baby, hey oh 
Oh, oh I, oh I 
I don’t need nobody baby 
I don’t need nobody baby 
I don’t need nobody baby 
No no no no no 
Nobody baby 
I don’t need nobody baby 

To be fair, I have no problem with the message itself. There really ain’t nothin’ wrong with makin’ it feel good. 

PS: I later realized that the title of this post could dredge up images of Missy Elliot touching herself. The people here at Bourgie Adventures sincerely apologize. 

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