Sunny Delight, my ass.

Yo. I hate Sunny Delight.

Sure, it’s got “healthy junk” (a la the classic rollerblade Sunny D commercial) in it, but I don’t care. Sunny D, as it likes to be called, tastes like a combination of orange juice and baby medicine. I remember one comedian commenting that the stuff tasted like clown ass. Fam, I couldn’t have said it better.

Sunny Delight originally contained less than 2% juice, with its main ingredients being water and corn syrup. Then, after they got into some shit for turning a girl orange over in England, the geniuses relaunched in 2003 as ‘Sunny D’ The new Sunny D claims to contain 5% fruit juice (including orange, tangerine, apple, lime and grapefruit), as well as Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Beta-Carotene, Thiamin Hydrochloride (Vitamin B1), Natural Flavors, Food Starch-Modified, Canola Oil, Cellulose Gum, Xanthan Gum, Sodium Hexametaphosphate, Sodium Benzoate To Protect Flavor, Yellow #5, Yellow #6. YUMMY! News flash: just because you add a handful of vitamins to some canola oil doesn’t mean you can tout your beverage as the healthiest thing in the fridge.

Seems like the folks over at Sunny D are setting themselves up for failure by always featuring their product next to some shit I’d RATHER drink. Even in the UK… I’d go for the lemonade, by the way:

In the U.S., we get a choice between milk, soda, purple stuff, and Sunny D. Sorry, but purple stuff wins. Or how about some water? I mean, you have been playing outside all day, asshole. Dave Chappelle on purple stuff, aka grape Drink:

Truth…

I hope you’re still with me, folks. Because if THIS isn’t evidence that Sunny D is the devil’s nectar, well you’re blind, baby (c)Flavor Flav. Pardon all the lame ass dancing (this guy’s presence at any venue is a sure sign you need to party elsewhere) but check the clip at about 1:28:

I think Adam Corrolla must have viewed that clip because he has been quoted as suggesting that Sunny Delight (and Mountain Dew) should be fortified with an agent that causes sterility in anyone who drinks more than 16 ounces in a year, as they are the “nectar of the tards.”

Honorable Mention for shitty drink: Tampico. Some of you might fight me on this one, but there’s no reason this stuff should have the consistency of old coconut milk straight out of the jug. I’m convinced that Tampico is juice sludge concentrate that you’re supposed to dilute. 1 part Tampico to 3 parts water. Ew.