It’s not me, it’s you.

I'm supposed to talk to this???

I hear a lot of talk about how women respond to men’s attempts at hollering on the street. Most times, women will say that we don’t respond well when guys approach us because we are bombarded with unacceptable approaches and unwanted advances more often than not. Honestly, you don’t even have to look half decent to get a lot of unwanted hootin’ and hollerin’. Men tend to underestimate the importance of being able to walk down the street and just get from point A to point B totally unmolested (physically and verbally). Do guys know how it is to be walking down the block and decide that you need to cross the street just to avoid the possibility of being harassed. Sometimes you just don’t feel like talking and that’s your prerogative. These are all reasons why women say they aren’t really that open to all attempts to talk to them. Regrettably, some nice men get dissed because of it. One solution would be for men as a whole to reign in their brethren and collectively fall back, thus making it easier for each individual brother to get his mack on. Also known as: “Nigga, quit beepin yo horn at women and yelling inappropriate shit out your car window so I can speak to her like a human being and get them digits!” Sorry yall, sometimes innocent people caught up in the crossfire. 

Seriously, though, this is a valid argument. CNN just did a little piece on hollering, aka catcalling. 98% of women report feeling harassed DAILY! Now, I would be making a gross omission if I didn’t say that some women welcome these kinds of advances and take it as a compliment. Still, the overwhelming majority of us could really do without. Furthermore, there are some out there taking this holla back(lash) to the extreme. See Exhibit 1: Holla Back NYC, a blog which posts pics of hollering offenders. Wow.

That being said, I see one glaring ommission from all of that discussion. It’s not all about me and how I have to deal with being accosted all the time. Sometimes it’s about YOU and how you’re just ugly.

For really tho’, most of the time when I don’t want to talk to a guy on the street, it’s because I am not attracted to him and therefore not interested. Call me shallow, but I do not care. We can’t deny that looks play a big part in who we choose to deal with. If I don’t know you already via friends, work or some other avenue, chances are that I’m not going to give you my time if I think you’re a sewer mule.

Granted, it takes a lot to approach someone you think is attractive and try to talk to them. Props to you, confident fellow. Still, that gumption is only going to take you so far.

Face it. Women don’t want to talk to you because we’re not feeling you. You’re not cute. You’re too short or fat or you have bad skin. You’re balding (and you’re 25). You have teeth on top of your teeth on top of those teeth. You stink. You dress like Soulja Boy (and you’re 30). Your pants are under your ass. You pluck your eyebrows (more than I do). You keep staring at my ass/breasts. You got my (negative) attention by yelling something ignorant/obscene. Or maybe you’re fine but you’re just not my type.

So, in addition to everything that might be going on with me that day (tired of being hollered at; just having a bad day; sick; upset; running late; stressed; busy; deep in thought; already have a man), odds are that YOU are the reason I don’t want to stop and talk to YOU.

Sidenote: The fact that we even refer to this act as holla/hollering is telling. The dictionary says:

hol·ler [hol-er]

1. to cry aloud; shout; yell: Quit hollering into the phone.

2. to shout or yell (something): He hollered insults back into the saloon.

3. a loud cry used to express pain or surprise, to attract attention, to call for help, etc.

Well, quit all that shouting and yelling on the streets. The attention you’re getting is negative and you’re going to end up alone (or with chicks who like that crap… yay for you two).


Thanks. You’re Welcome.


Filed under Routine Ramblings

3 responses to “It’s not me, it’s you.

  1. Me

    I’ve given quite a bit of thought to whole dating ritual. Most of my thoughts are inclusive, but you are right about two things. A woman isn’t going to talk to me because she’s not interested and men don’t know what its like to be harassed on a daily basis. Often I’ve wondered what would happen if women were to reverse the roles.

  2. Polo Bear

    Yo what in thee hell is a “Sewer Mule”? That shit is hilarious. HaHa!

  3. I’ve asked many dudes how they’d feel if women were to reverse the roles. Sadly, I get the same answer all the time… “I’d love it!” Just goes to show the real intent behind all the hollerin’ hype!

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