After a few requests, I am going to post a few entries from the journal I kept as a teenager over 10 years ago. I am so embarrassed. I have no idea why I am even going to post these. Reading them makes me laugh at myself in an uncomfortable way. I feel as if I do not know the girl who wrote this stuff. It all sounds so… silly and cheesy and dumb. What was I thinking?! I hope that I do not look at these blog entries years from now with the same thoughts. Don’t judge me, yo. All of the emphasis, spelling and punctuation is in the original, by the way:
Oct. 30: I haven’t written lately, I’ve been busy. Saturday’s my birthday! 16. Everything has been fine, except my mother and my uncle. First of all, he’s moved in, thirty-something years old and he’s back at home. PATHETIC! Mother is such an ass. She’s selfish, and inconsiderate. Well, gotta go, it’s time for Bio.
Nov. 2: I turned 16 last night (yesterday)!! I can’t wait to drive!! everyone called to say happy birthday. Last night I went out w/Georgette and Lynnece (aka Lynneye), we drank a little (Quanisha got some from the bootlegger) and we chilled at the party at Morgan. It was raining all night on + off. Me and Lynneye went up to Smith St. to see if rick was there but we only saw Collin and Terrance (yuck). Tuesday I have to escort the superintendent’s son around school. (we’ll see about that). – Peace –
Nov. 6: Rick was telling me about these girls who can’t seem to control themselves. First there’s Jessica, a Puerto Rican, who was his homework partner. While he was at her house doing homework, she asked him if he had a “six pack” and tried to put her hand under his shirt! This chick!! So now he has a new homework partner. Another chick, Tia, threw him against a locker and tried to kiss him, I mean put her tongue in his mouth! This chick!! So he pushed her away and got angry (that’s right boo!) The next day, she apologized and said she didn’t want no beef w/me. She know the deal!! I don’t know what to do, because I love him so much. Is this too soon, to be in love w/him? I hope it lasts. I wonder if he’ll come to my prom and if he’ll take me to his. Saturday is my (and Bev’s) birthday party. It better be bangin’. Today, Sydney told me he was in love w/Danielle. Tanisha was trying to get w/him but he said he lov’d danielle. I was like “well” hopefully she doesn’t drop him like last year, cause Syd’s too nice./ Monique invited me to her party, I’ll see if Rick’s going.
Nov. 11: The party was cool, everyone had a good time. Rick got me mad cause he came, then left and came, etc… At least he wore red + black. We settled it though. Later at D.’s he made me laugh again like always. Too bad I can’t remain mad him at all. And his lips are so soft. See what he does to me? Guess what? My boo might be moving upstate in January. I don’t know what I’m going to do. He’s talking about keeping the relationship going, but how will that work? See what I mean, soon as I find someone right, soon as we get really tight + attached, he might go away! I don’t know anyone as real as he is to me. No one who is so honest, so caring so into me and ME. And he’s fine. How will we speak unless we work out some long distance situation? It’s a shame, cause i really love Rick. But moving on … I danced w/Kevin at the party and he was cool, except he’s so tall and he’s off beat a lot. But otherwise, he’s aaiight! We was dancing and he put his arms around my waist and I did the same. Kentae, Rob, Zabe and Jesse took their shirts off. Whoo!! I got a picture of that one. Kentae asked me 4 Nile’s #, cause they was gettin’ it! I met Afrinique. She’s mad chill. Peter came. He didn’t dance, but he tore up some food. he must’ve been smoked out!! Carrie, Marlon, DuJuan and Keinya were drinking and Carrie was piss-ass-drunk!! Auntie and Uncle B saw Rick. Betty Atkins heard me cursing him out. Nile bought me a locket. Joy got me a ring. Lynnece got me a dress. I got a lot of cards with $. It was a good time. At the party, Shiron went up to Rick and said “So I hear you’re going out with my shortie” and Rick said yeah. Shiron said “I don’t think you can handle her” I think that was entirely uncalled for!! WHo is he to be sayin’ shit like that to Rick?!?! Then he said to me “what’s wrong w/your boyfried? why’s he standin’ out there, blah blah” None of his fuckin’ business.
Nov 22: On Saturday, me, Lynnece and Georgette went to see the Fugees and Common Sense at Vassar. It was bangin’. Anyways, I went to Monique’s party at the Polish club. it was relatively wack, but cool. Lynnece was with me. Talesha, Mike, Rob and Kentae were there too. We were laughing at this tall skinny man that we called Mike’s brother. James Craig was there and he looks GOOD! He goes to Arlington now + plays on the football team. He should, he gotta body! He was flirting, but you know, I got Rick. That night I spent the night at Lynneye’s house. Jayquan came over and they hit for like 4 MINUTES (after she said she wasn’t eve gonna let him in!)/ I got loud and screamed on Rick cause ever since my party he said he was going to Monique’s party w/us and that night, like an hour and a 1/2 before the party, he says he doesn’t wanna go. But we straightened it out, of course.
There’s more, but I guess I can save those for another time. Trust, the entries get more and more cheesy. There are ones I have skipped over because they’re just TOO gag-worthy to post. I mean, I still have a reputation to uphold. It’s really only good when you know the people involved.
FYI: Rick was my boyfriend in high school and thru my first year of college. He was my best friend and everyone loved him. So did I, obviously. In retrospect, reading a lot of what I wrote, he was clearly cheating on me. LOL. I don’t care though. He really was a person who deeply understood me and vice versa. Unfortunately, Rick was killed in Atlanta in 2001. Funny reading some of the things I wrote about him, because I still think of him occasionally … and I keep a picture of his smiling face in my bedroom.