Dear Greg Halstead,

“My aura, my essence, I step into a room and everyone thinks they are unequal to me, know why, cause they are unequal to me” – G. Halstead

GH

Dear Greg**,

I have been watching MTV’s The Real World since the very beginning. I have followed the show for all twenty seasons! I must admit that my feelings for the show have changed because, well, the show has changed. The casts have gotten younger and are clearly casted to be “characters” that can be easily edited into whoever the producers want to portray: Angry Black Man/Woman, Bitchy Gay Man, Ignorant Southern Belle, etc. Truthfully, it’s hard to watch some seasons because they’re so full of stereotypes and drunken hot tub antics.

Still, one thing has remained constant throughout the years: my affinity for the housemate everyone loves to hate. It all started in New York with the very first season. The roommates were all frazzled by Kevin Powell, the young, Black man who always had something to say and did so to his heart’s content. He bumped heads with everyone, namely MTV man-candy Eric and Country bumpkin Julie. Surprisingly (to some, but not to me), Kevin is a wonderful person who has done so much community work. He’s been published several times over, speaks around the nation and is running for office! I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Kevin several times. Once, he was polite enough to complement me after I sang TLC’s “No Scrubs” at karaoke. Thank God we had beers. I digress.

What I am trying to say, Greg, is that from the very beginning – that first episode of season 20 – I knew that I would be watching the show to see you. Before you even entered the house, the roommates all formed preconceived notions of you based on the fact that you were the internet pick to be in the house. Then you came in all nonchalant and they were all, “who does this guy think he IS?” I died.

The Greg Hate is strong. The roommates certainly felt an obscene amount of loathing for you. The viewing public is no different. To be honest, you’ve done some pretty immature and childish bullshit which, if I were in the house, would have pissed me off too. I’m also annoyed by your overuse of the words “Brah” and “Dude” grate on my ears, the fact that you were even dealing with Reva (she’s lame and not hot), and those horrible shirts/hats you wear, made me tsk tsk at you. But I was NOT in the house, so I can laugh at all of your behavior which paled in comparison to the bugged out reactions the other housemates displayed. Their reactions to things were totally disproportionate to the “crimes”.

Greg, you’re fucking hilarious. Facial expressions alone – I mean, how can someone maintain that disaffected, nonchalant, above it all, “I’m totally bored by you people,” look for so long? When everyone is getting emotional and upset, you were always kicked back and giving face like “who ARE you people?” Greg, you’re a sarcastic, blunt, smug, and unapproachable loner/jerk/asshole. I love it. You refer to yourself as “The Chosen One,” for goodness sake! Women as “associates”? LOL! PEASANTS!!! Your level of conceit and self-absorption would rival that of any other Real World cast member on the planet.

I don’t know what the future hold for Greg Halstead. I don’t really know if that modeling thing is going to pop off, brother. I mean, I think you have the look for it but that windmill move on the runway? Fam, that’s cool for BET’s Rip The Runway or Ebony Fashion Fair (no dis to Ebony, but it’s more performance-based modeling) but it ain’t gonna cut it in Milan. I hope you accept the offers that are sure to come from MTV to be on a Challenge. There will be new people there to hate on you but I’m sure you’ll keep it regular Greg style – ignoring those peasants. If MTV (and your agent) was smart, they’d go VH1 styles and offer you a spinoff show of your own.

I didn’t pay all that much attention to the last RW in Australia, so thanks Greg for making MTV watchable again for a fellow asshole.

Your pal,
The Bourgie One

From Greg’s Facebook page (we’re friends now):

I am the substance that dreams are comprised of. I am a pure beam of energy here to save the world. I dine with the Gods, and feast on redemption. I mystify and grace young maidens with my luminescence and majesty. I ravish haughty pride, and soar atop unbridled egos..I am a plague. I pilfer the souls of foolish men, and rob damsels of their innocence. I am what has not been in 2000 years, what shalt not be forever more, I am perfection. Narcissus reincarnated, a light headed youth floating on the winds of destiny. I am the Nasferatu, that which defies death and demands the gracious philanthropy of time. Resistance is futile, subservience peasant, or be obliviated amongst the abyss.
~Sincerely “The Chosen One”~

This thread about Greg on SOHH.com had me LOL’ing because of comments like:

This dude joins the house on some pink panther swag steez. Strolls in actin smooth, talkin calm while everyone is excited, belittling everyone by calling them peasents, styled on em by leavin a booty ass club cuz he ain’t wanna wait on the line, calls all his female friends acquaintances (or something a long those lines) tha pissed the girls of the house off, etc…
Today he was preachin game to the other nikka in the house …

Some of the stuff may sound bitchmade, but the way he goes about doing them has me

This dudes the pink panther of the real world.

And this one:

i barely watch tv but every other time i turn it on for 30 mins this is on.

lol@greg sonning everybody after not doing dishes and leaving the house like a dump for others to clean
lol@2 white girls getting pissed writing him notes how hes wrong and him writing “F*CK YOU!” back
lol@2 puzzies too scared to do anything so they start screaming and shouting in order to intimidate him cuz they know theyd get their asses beat if they do anything else

this dude is comedy. probably the funniest real world show ive seen in years cuz i been so tired of these lame ass shows i swear. i think he just got fed up with everybody and doesnt wanna be there. anything else happened after that episode? cuz i could give 2 sh1ts about watching another one. but if it got more drama with this guy ill check for it for sure.

Highlights from Greg’s interview with Buddy TV:

You really are laid back, you don’t get into a lot of fights, yet somehow your roommates seem to get really mad at you. What is that about? Why aren’t you gelling with them so far?
I’ll say what someone from MTV said to me — someone obviously older and wiser than myself — it’s kind of that sickness where people start to prod you to get angry and to act out of character. When they don’t get what they want, they continue to do such, and continue to do more and more things just to, again, get under your skin, and trying to make you feel miserable.
They seem to expect that everybody wants to go to the bar, everybody’s going to love their job, and you seem to be wanting to do your own thing. Do you think that’s part of it? That you don’t always want to do what they want to do?
In terms of the job, I think it was kind of misconstrued how I feel about it. Again, if you notice, the other roommates tend to be more emotionally needy at everything that happens. Everything that happens, they’re like children in a candy shop. They’re like, “Oh my God, this is the most exciting day of my life!” Like that. That’s not me. I mean, it’s just not the most exciting day of my life, I hope to have many more exciting days. Everything is built up to be the most exciting thing. When I first came in the house, because I wasn’t smiling from ear to ear and yelling like an idiot, because I choose to be calm — I mean, you’re just meeting people, there’s no reason to be yelling or that excited — but it’s just that I wasn’t as emotional, or didn’t show my emotions as much as they did.

Would you say that you’re friends with any of your roommates today?
Um, no.

**BTW, I didn’t actually write this TO Greg.

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4 Comments

Filed under Routine Ramblings

4 responses to “Dear Greg Halstead,

  1. I just forwarded this to his MySpace account.

    (j/k)

  2. shelly

    hahaha my brother knows this guy and he said that he is really like this (i.e. that “peasant” “associate” BS)

  3. Greg

    The Chosen One shall grace this site…interesting perspectives if i might say so myself…

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