Warm Fuzzies

Everyone at my job was passing this video around this afternoon. I wasn’t going to watch, but I was accosted at my desk and forced.

I must admit, it’s kind of cute.**

**If you think near-mauling is cute.

You call this “service”?

So I don’t know if yall know, but this bourgie babe used to wait tables. Yup, I worked at Chili’s Bar & Grill as a waitress and as a bartender. It was one of the worst jobs ever, but I think more people should try it out. You learn a lot about people, service, humility, containing your emotions, being fake as fuck and food. Some positives about the gig was getting cash every night and having flexible hours.

I was damn good at it too. I can still remember a shitload of orders (with modifications) without writing them down. I checked on my guests and looked hot in an apron. But shit, it was tiring. I left every night smelling like fajitas, even if I never carried a fajita that day. People are shitty to you sometimes. Bad tippers come in all ages, races and classes.

That being said, I’d like to think that I’m a model diner. I have a lot of patience for waitstaff wherever I go, because I know how things can get. I, in all of my greatness, have forgotten to put in an order, taken too long to refill a drink or just been in a crap mood when dealing with customers. It happens. On the flipside, I also have a limit as to what I’ll accept. Some shit is just a bad job.

a life neurotic

I haven’t been updating as frequently because Verizon is still fucking with me. I need a technician to come out and see why I cannot get a reliable DSL signal but who has time for that? Not me. I cannot take off a day to sit and wait for some lackey in a toolbelt to tool around my apartment. It’s inconvenient and the whole thing is awkward. I always feel like I have to clean up extra well too. As if the freakin’ Queen of England was stopping by. I’ll be finished with this internship after next week, so I’ll have all the time in the world to wait for Verizon.

Anyway, on top of not having a good connection at home, I’m just kind of stuck for something to write. Then I figured I might as well just talk about myself and how things have been going.

Let’s see. I’ve gotten back on my “get in shape grind” or at least I’m trying to. I was doing pretty well several months ago, to the point where people were noticing the change and I was fitting into things that I thought were a wrap. Then, after my schedule changed for the summer and I had some setbacks/inconveniences, I just fell off. Wasn’t hitting the gym. WAS hitting Five Guys. Not a good idea. Knowing that I was slowly starting to erase all of the work I did, I started to feel like shit and I was having bad days. Lost my mojo.

When you’ve got blogger’s block, you resort to old memes

Yup, it’s that time again (because I can’t think of any genius blog topic or random BS to write about) … Soundtrack to my life, meme style.

So, if you don’t know by now, here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend your cool. If you have Ricky Martin on your iTunes, just embrace that shit and shake your bon bon, dunny!

Opening Credits:
Erykah Badu, “Back in the Day”
Fitting.

Waking Up:
Little Brother feat. Jozeemo, “That Ain’t Love”
“If this is real I don’t wanna see fake…”

First Day At School:
Common, “The Food”
Hmm, how does that fit?

Falling In Love:
Anthony Hamilton, “The Truth”
Ahh. I ♥ A. Hamilton. His voice always takes me to a place of love and reminiscing.

Fight Song:
Deborah Cox feat. R.L., “We Can’t Be Friends”
I wish this would have come up for Breaking Up.

A few things…

Mmm, cupcakes

1. You do realize that Montell Jordan is SIX FEET, EIGHT INCHES tall right? Like, I know he’s been out of the picture for a minute, but this negro was 6’8, dancing around on golf courses and R&B sangin’. Oh, and let’s not forget that he supposedly was gettin his in a big black truck (while the rest of us could get ours in a six-fo’). That must have been an 18-wheeler. I just cannot understand how tall people have sex in cars … which is partly why I’ve never done it.

2. I kind of want to make a Top 20 list of my all-time favorite songs and movies. Problem is, I don’t have favorites. I tell people this all of the time because, for some reason, people are very interested in asking “What’s your favorite ____?” If you’re asked this question more than once on a date, finish your drink and be out. He/She’s a shitty conversationalist and likely a loser. I have no favorite color, movie, song, food, animal, book, etc. I just like different things at different times.

3. That also goes for things I hate the most. Currently in the position of #1 pet peeve would be television stations who increase the volume by some magic technology every time they go to commercial. WHAT THE FUCK? I’ll be chillin’ watching a show and BAM – I’m hit with Random Voiceover Guy #1 telling me I can get a free gold kit to mail in my gold scraps for cash! I guess they do it because they want you to pay attention to the commercial. Unfortunately, I have to hold the remote in my hand in preparation for the BLAST emanating from my TV. My neighbors must think I’m crazy. God bless DVR and fast-forwarding past commercials.

4. I love Eugene. You know, Eugene Young, the character from television’s The Practice played by Steve Harris. He is the best attorney on TV. Straight yoking people up, daring judges to hold him in contempt, Eugene hardly ever holds his tongue and is willing to stand strong for his values. Don’t let me run into a Eugene Young in the courthouse one day. It’s a wrap, boo me down!

5. If it wasn’t for Facebook, I wouldn’t know about your birthday.

6. I love cupcakes (see above). They’re like little bundles of joy. Your very own individual cake. You unwrap it like a gift and get a bite of sweet frosting and soft cake goodness.

7. [space for more stuff]

“Your stretch marks are roadmaps to your best parts”*

Oh word?

Peep Deelishis. (I’m a grown ass woman, dawg. Why I gotta call some other woman DEELISHIS?) Better yet, peep her midsection. Okay. Got it? Let’s move on.

I checked my boy D’s blog and he had this pic of Deelishis up and the subsequent clip from Katt Williams.

Something In My Heart

I love this song. Came on the shuffle this morning and it was all I could do to keep from bursting out in song on the Broad Street Line.
Little voice, big singer Michel’le was so cute back in the day. Wonder what she’s doing now?

Dumb Cop Tales – NY’s Finest

I swear, NYC must have a monopoly on stupid police officers.
Apparently, walking down a street with a long coat on can get you mistaken for a prostitute and arrested!

That’s basically what happened to Monica Gonzalez, a 40-year old grandmother. Gonzalez was arrested for prostitution after police spotted her walking in an area known for prostitution. That area, one block on Third Avenue, was also on the way from Gonzalez’ crib to a local hospital. She was on her way there because of complications with her asthma medicine. Officer Sean Spencer thought otherwise.

Gonzalez, wearing a long winter coat, was suddenly confronted by Spencer and another cop who jumped out of a marked SUV.

“He [Spencer] said, ‘I saw you going up to the car,'” Gonzalez recalled. “His partner said, ‘Let her go, I’ve never seen her here before,’ but he [Spencer] wouldn’t listen,” she said.

“I told him, ‘I’m somebody’s mother. I’m somebody’s daughter.’ I was hysterical crying.”

Spencer also busted a second woman on Third Ave. for prostitution and drove both suspects to the 72nd Precinct station house, where another cop called an ambulance for the asthmatic Gonzalez.

Spencer – who claimed Gonzalez was carrying a condom and had been arrested before as a hooker – swore out a complaint charging her with loitering for prostitution, according to court papers.

The officer claims the two women were approaching vehicles together, according to a police source.

“I have never, ever been arrested in my life,” Gonzalez told The News. “I did not have a condom.”

She hired a criminal defense attorney, Leon Schrager, and the Brooklyn district attorney’s office dismissed the case on May 29.

What’s that they say about representing yourself in court?

Oh man. Glad I checked out Crunk + Disorderly yesterday and saw this vid posted up there!

Man decides to represent himself in court, and has the genius idea to try and cause a mistrial by… FAKING A HEART ATTACK!

Unfortunately for him, the judge was already up on his tomfoolery/buffonery/crackheadishness and was not having it.

AYDMF.

Cooking for Real

Move over Rachel Ray.

Finally, the Food Network has put someone on who is not as annoying as Ms. Ray, but who still embodies that friendly, accessible, (sista)girl next door feeling: Sunny Anderson (Not to be confused with NCCU alum and recording artist Sunshine Anderson of “Heard it all Before” fame).
Okay I admit, Sunny’s got that little giggle reminiscent of Ray, but unlike the Queen of Corny, Sunny’s giggle doesn’t appear at just the slightest provocation and it isn’t accompanied by annoying Rachel’isms like “EVOO” and “yummo.”

Sunny has two shows on the food network, Cooking for Real (Sun 10:30am) and How’d That Get On My Plate? (Mon 9:30pm). I don’t really watch the shows on the Food Network that feature one or two (shout out to the Neelys) cooks doing their thing. I pretty much watch the challenges and Iron Chef (comedy). I like Sunny’s style, though. She cooks in a really uncomplicated way and blends flavors from her experience living all over first as an Army Brat and as a member of the US Air Force, herself. She also cooks semi-homemade, which is taking things boxed/canned/bottled and using them in your recipes. This is imperative for those of us who like to cook, but live busy schedules. It’s okay to use a cornbread out of the box if cornbread isn’t the main dish you’re rolling with.

She so hood

Oh, and the girl eats. She’s stuffing cornbread in her mouth and talking! She’s encouraging us to drink the leftover beer after we’re done using it for batter. She’s thick in the hips (shout out to Nigella Lawson) and rocks a honey blonde weave. Hayyyy Gurrrrl!

Not only is Sunny nice in the kitchen, she’s nice on the mic. No, she’s not a rapper, but she has done some voice-overs and had a career in broadcasting which kicked off in the Air Force, landing her at HOT 97 in NYC. Vibe Magazine rated her show as one of the top 9 to listen to nationwide and crowned her, “Ruler of the Airwaves.” Sunny’s hip hop cred extends further as she was the Food & Lifestyle editor at Hip Hop Weekly Magazine.

Check out some Sunny Anderson for yourself and set your TiVO/DVR.

Sunny’s Blog. Sunny’s Myspace.

Aside: Sunny kind of puts me in the mind of Tracie Spencer. Yay or Nay?