Goldilocks and ‘nem

Goldilocks 3 Bears

I’ve noticed that this blog has become less about me and more about random pop culture, music, and stuff I see elsewhere that I find funny or interesting. My first few entries were about ME and the things I was doing. I think I want to get back to that, or at least include it in what I’ve been doing as of late. I guess the more people started checking Bourgie Adventures out, the more nervous and guarded I became. How could I write about my friends when they read the blog? How can I talk about dating and relationships when the guys I know might stop by this place every now and then? Hell, I think my family might even have stumbled over here. Anyway, I’m going to try and get back to basics.

Yesterday, I was talking with a friend and he said “I think I want someone who’s passionate about me. Not indifferent and not obsessed.” I agreed. Then I thought we were sounding very Goldilocks – we want it to be just right. Well that’s like stepping outside for the paper and getting hit in the head with a bag of money. It’s possible, but not likely to happen. Most of us will just end up with a Papa Bear or Mama Bear, running too hot/too cold, too hard/too soft for our own tastes. We’ll tolerate it for as long as we can, learning to adjust our own preferences to suit what they’re dishing out. Eventually, we’ll get fed up and move on to the next bowl of porridge, the next chair, the next bed.

Papa Bear. Although his preferences of too hot, too big and too hard sounds like a good time, the Papa Bear in the relationship can be a bit much to bear (no pun intended). He/she is all about you and that’s a good thing mostly. The problem is when their affection and reverence for you eclipses your feelings for them. They go so hard, they often take every single thing that you do to heart. They’re notoriously sensitive and borderline obsessed. They harbor high expectations of you which, since you’re just not that into them, you cannot meet. Now they’re disappointed and you’re disappointed. Expect the situation to end badly. My last dealings with the Papa Bear type has resulted in one dude not speaking to me at all after a significant period of time and another constantly reminding me of how much he was into me versus me being into him.

Mama Bear: This type – too cold, too small, too soft – isn’t much better. He or she will drive you crazy. You’re feeling them and probably sending all the right signals if not straight up stating your intentions. Still, they’re just sitting back taking the whole thing on cruise control. They probably speak to you when it’s convenient for them. They don’t initiate conversation or contact. They’re pretty much emotional midgets. Still, they give you just enough to keep you interested and hanging on, without ever confirming that you are not alone in your feelings. Some of them do it on purpose, while others are just incapable of figuring out what the fuck is going on. Either way, these Mama Bear types are the worst because they oftentimes turn you into a Papa Bear. Ew. My last experience with this type was a few years ago. I was so into this one guy to my chagrin. It was pretty obvious that he was totally indifferent to our “relationship” and saw me as an option, not a priority. Still, I continued to hang around, even though I was aware of how he was handling things. I felt like I would rather have him in a limited capacity than not at all. Eventually, I had had enough and traded him in for someone who was more into me (a Papa Bear, still an L). He sure was fine though.

Like my friend said yesterday, we all want is someone to be our Baby, the one who has it just right. Good luck.


Filed under Routine Ramblings

4 responses to “Goldilocks and ‘nem

  1. ...

    perhaps Papa Bears need to watch who they latch onto and how hard they do so.

    perhaps Mama Bears shouldn’t reel Papa Bears in for the sake of having a good feeling that’s unable to be reciprocated

    i think it all boils down to the thrill of wanting what seems unattainable and believing we can make it so

    you said:
    Yesterday, I was talking with a friend and he said “I think I want someone who’s passionate about me. Not indifferent and not obsessed.”

    Your friend probably meant *mutually* passionate.

  2. ndenise

    That’s exactly what he meant (without going into the context or details of what we were discussing).

  3. Man…
    It’s like everyone wants to be a Mama Bear-type in our age group.

    Where is the love?

  4. I was just having this conversation with a girlfriend. I’ve already accepted that I don’t want Mr. 10-10-10. I’m okay with Mr. 7-9-8 (looks, mental, emotion). I could wait til I meet Mr. 10-10-10; but I might be past child bearing years and having a child/family is penultimate to me right now.

    We’ve met too many men waiting for the perfect woman, but are nearing 40. That is so not attractive to me.

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