Donations! Donations!

Are you all really giving money to these people who ask for donations all in the street? I’m not talking about homeless folks, panhandlers or so-called “bums”. I’m talking about those people who, under the guise of some charitable organization, ask you for your money.

No, scratch that. Their strategy is to GUILT you out of your money. Philadelphia is overrun with these people. You’ve got the environmental folks out there telling you that your grandchildren will have to buy air like bottled water if you don’t cough up five bucks. There are those save the children nuts in the red shirts who ask for your time “just one minute!” and when you try to blow them off they say something like, “oh, don’t you care about starving children?” As if by saying no, you’re admitting to luring children into your gingerbread house and trapping them in your oven.

Oh, and then there are the little girls who need money for their “drill team” or “cheerleading squad”. These chicks are kind of convincing because they wear coordinating outfits. What other group of girls wear coordinating outfits besides cheerleaders and drill teams? Oh, women in correctional facilities, right. These little girls are cute, too. Bows in their hair and buckets in their hands, they spread out on all four corners to cast the biggest net – fishing for saps. Sorry Lil’ LaToya, I used to be a cute black kid too. You’re wasting all your junior sass on me. I’m immune. I can’t trust these kids because it boggles my mind how a group of young girls like that would be sent outside (on corners and on the medians of busy roads) to solicit donations with no adult supervision whatsoever. Those girls are almost ALWAYS alone out there. I used to be on drill team and I was a cheerleader. Never. Never ever ever ever would our coach let us go do some shit like that. That’s why I don’t trust ’em.

The worst, however, are the guys who rolled up on me today… in the supermarket, in front of the boneless/skinless chicken breasts … spewing some shit like this: “Excuse me ma’am, but I’m Tyriq and I’m from the Philadephia City Urban Young Youth Teenage Anti-Violence Unity Literacy Basketball team and Choir. I’m raising money for a new laptop to further my education. You can help out by subscribing to the paper. Just subscribing will get me credit, you can cancel if you don’t like it. (Me: No thanks) Ok, well you can still help me by getting one of these magazines. (Me: No, not interested). Well then you could just donate to the PCUYYTAVULBC. Any amount will help. (Me: nope, sorry). After he gives the sad puppy face, he takes his shitty binder and moves on to the lady buying steaks.

NIGGA I’M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY CHEESE COSTS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW AND YOU TRYNA GET OVER ON ME WITH THIS OLD ASS SCAM?

Ok, ok. I don’t really know if this stuff is a scam or not. The truth is, I don’t care if it is or not. I’m just pissed and offended by the fact that these people accost me in places that I think are inappropriate to solicit donations. They KNOW you have money because you’re at a restaurant/mall/grocery store. Still, that money is for soy milk, not YOU. In today’s world, it’s hard to believe people who come up to you on the street requesting money. It’s too easy to fake. I would rather take down your organization’s information and make a donation to the headquarters in some verifiable manner.

Most recently, I’d like to add these voter registration cats chilling on every corner in Center City. They ask if you’re registered to vote or if you need to change your address. Word is bond, even if I was not registered, I ain’t tellin those cats jack shit. I mean, you’re basically giving your name and address and phone number, personal info to a guy/gal in a spongebob T-shirt and nike flip flops. And why? Because they have a clipboard? Nah, I’d pass if I were you. Call your local Board of Elections or head to the DMV.

Keep your money in your pockets. If you feel badly and want to help out just ask for who is in charge, a website or a phone number. Screw that cash on the street mess. At least get yourself a receipt for that good tax deduction in the spring. Holla.

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7 Comments

Filed under Now I'm pissed

7 responses to “Donations! Donations!

  1. That’s why I only help out singing bums.
    Some of them fat-ass kids ain’t ran ball for a full game in years.

  2. (fŭng\'kē) [blak] [chik]

    here in md, kids peddling krispy kreme donuts will run up on your car…why the hell would i want to buy you box of $10 stale donuts???

  3. djtriptych

    I almost never give anything to people on the street.

    My one major weakness is buying people food. That I’ll do usually, even though that’s stupid, because people don’t starve to death in America. Every major city has free food for the homeless. But I do it anyway – at least I know exactly where the money’s going.

    Those street environmentalists piss me off. If I’m at all interested, I ask for literature and say I’ll check them out.

    You should hit them with something like “My aunt died of cancer. I focus my philanthropy on cancer research. Why should your cause be more important to me than curing cancer?”

    Or something.

    I gave a street breakdancing crew $20 once just cause I wanted to support the art form.

  4. ndenise

    so, like… um, isn’t anyone going to comment on my clever use of the line and screenshot from Coming to America?

    I’m saddened.

    Everytime I think of this post, I say “Donations! Donations!” in my head just like the guy from the movie.

    I’m pitiful.

  5. ndenise

    @ Triptych: Yeah, I’d rather give my money to the kid playing the violin on the street or somebody with a sign. I mean, sure I know that that’s not the best way to ameliorate their situation, but I feel like I know what I’m getting into.

    Those “charities” though, can suck it.

  6. djtriptych

    Baltimore and SF and a few other cities are instituting like these little donation receptacles. They’re like parking meters, and they’re placed wherever panhandling is a problem. So if people want to help out, they can put change into those receptacles, and then I guess the city government feels OK about outlawing panhandling.

    I dunno how I feel about that, just thought I’d mention it.

    But SF has the craziest most brazen bums in the country. That much I can tell you.

  7. Bevlo

    Well….I’m accepting donations. I’m somebody’s starving child my address is……. Seriously i stop giving money out on the street because i think i got got it was around X-mas time and salvation army was out early afternoon collecting,i gave them so money and was in the store maybe 10min. and the lady was gone when i came out. Hate to think ill of people but now i donate to redcross or united way atleast they show me a video at work to guilt me out my money

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