1. You do realize that Montell Jordan is SIX FEET, EIGHT INCHES tall right? Like, I know he’s been out of the picture for a minute, but this negro was 6’8, dancing around on golf courses and R&B sangin’. Oh, and let’s not forget that he supposedly was gettin his in a big black truck (while the rest of us could get ours in a six-fo’). That must have been an 18-wheeler. I just cannot understand how tall people have sex in cars … which is partly why I’ve never done it.
2. I kind of want to make a Top 20 list of my all-time favorite songs and movies. Problem is, I don’t have favorites. I tell people this all of the time because, for some reason, people are very interested in asking “What’s your favorite ____?” If you’re asked this question more than once on a date, finish your drink and be out. He/She’s a shitty conversationalist and likely a loser. I have no favorite color, movie, song, food, animal, book, etc. I just like different things at different times.
3. That also goes for things I hate the most. Currently in the position of #1 pet peeve would be television stations who increase the volume by some magic technology every time they go to commercial. WHAT THE FUCK? I’ll be chillin’ watching a show and BAM – I’m hit with Random Voiceover Guy #1 telling me I can get a free gold kit to mail in my gold scraps for cash! I guess they do it because they want you to pay attention to the commercial. Unfortunately, I have to hold the remote in my hand in preparation for the BLAST emanating from my TV. My neighbors must think I’m crazy. God bless DVR and fast-forwarding past commercials.
4. I love Eugene. You know, Eugene Young, the character from television’s The Practice played by Steve Harris. He is the best attorney on TV. Straight yoking people up, daring judges to hold him in contempt, Eugene hardly ever holds his tongue and is willing to stand strong for his values. Don’t let me run into a Eugene Young in the courthouse one day. It’s a wrap, boo me down!
5. If it wasn’t for Facebook, I wouldn’t know about your birthday.
6. I love cupcakes (see above). They’re like little bundles of joy. Your very own individual cake. You unwrap it like a gift and get a bite of sweet frosting and soft cake goodness.
7. [space for more stuff]