a life neurotic

I haven’t been updating as frequently because Verizon is still fucking with me. I need a technician to come out and see why I cannot get a reliable DSL signal but who has time for that? Not me. I cannot take off a day to sit and wait for some lackey in a toolbelt to tool around my apartment. It’s inconvenient and the whole thing is awkward. I always feel like I have to clean up extra well too. As if the freakin’ Queen of England was stopping by. I’ll be finished with this internship after next week, so I’ll have all the time in the world to wait for Verizon.

Anyway, on top of not having a good connection at home, I’m just kind of stuck for something to write. Then I figured I might as well just talk about myself and how things have been going.

Let’s see. I’ve gotten back on my “get in shape grind” or at least I’m trying to. I was doing pretty well several months ago, to the point where people were noticing the change and I was fitting into things that I thought were a wrap. Then, after my schedule changed for the summer and I had some setbacks/inconveniences, I just fell off. Wasn’t hitting the gym. WAS hitting Five Guys. Not a good idea. Knowing that I was slowly starting to erase all of the work I did, I started to feel like shit and I was having bad days. Lost my mojo.

I’m getting back into the groove now, though. Back to eating like I should. Back to going to the gym. And when I can’t get there (or don’t want to) I’ve taken to just jogging around my neighborhood and getting a little sweat going. SOMETHING. Because, I swear, I’m afraid of becoming huge. That, in and of itself, pisses me off. I don’t want to be another one of these people all extra consumed with how they look, using other people as guideposts as to where I should be with mines. It’s one thing to be health-conscious and serious about being fit. It’s another to constantly have a negative body image and to talk about it all the damn time. Nobody wants to hear it and it’s not good for you. Yet another example of truths I am aware of, yet fail to adhere to.

I also dyed my hair back to a normal color. Not that it wasn’t “normal” before, but I wasn’t feeling it. I had lightened it quite a bit and I felt like it gave me a washed out look. So picture me, feeling fat and rocking what I perceived as a jacked hair color. Now you can start to see why my mojo was missing. Add to all of that the humidity that has plagued this summer and BOOM. Ya girl was headed for an asylum. I guess I just need more opportunities to relax and just find things to be happy with/about. We all have our neuroses and we’re our own worst critics. I was just in a slump I suppose.

After this internship is over, I’ve got a couple of weeks to kill until school starts again. Can I say that I’m already stressed/nervous. This is a big deal to me, I can see the end of this thing. Finishing law school. Being an attorney. Bourgie, Esq. I’m nervous about the Bar. Not really the test itself, even though that’s quite a hurdle, but paying for it. Choosing where to take it. Focusing. I’m stressed because I’m considering moving out of my apt late September in preparation for study abroad in Japan. Not only do I hate moving, it’s a source of concern because I will have to rely on grants and shit to see if I can afford to go. I should put some freakin’ ads on this jawn to start generating plane fare!

See what happens when I don’t start writing with a focus/topic in mind… I start to complain and ramble. Ah, well… It’s my blog and I’ll complain if I want to.


Filed under Routine Ramblings

2 responses to “a life neurotic

  1. Almost there, Bourgie! Keep it up!
    And go to Japan, yo. Get out of Philly. Travel the world!

  2. Polo Bear

    Ditto on the unbearable humidity this summer. I can’t wait until it is “Hoodies and Tims” weather again.

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