Friends, family, brethren and sistren,
Today is a day to rejoice. You can eat watermelon with reckless abandon until your shirt is soaked with sweet red juice …and in front of white people too! If they look at you funny, just take a moment to spit out your seeds and inform them that no, this is not a throwback to porchmonkies and pickaninnies. Today is National Watermelon Day. You’re just doing what good Americans do – celebrate national holidays. Party on.