Prove your love

I find this terribly amusing.

It’s 2008. Men & Women are having sex. We like sex. We live in a sexualized society. We’re gonna do it. No doubt about it. But yeah, it’s 2008 and you can’t just go out in the streets and do the do like you want to. People can DIE from sex (and not just from a heart attack during the reverse cowgirl, either)! I don’t have to tell you… HIV/AIDS, my friends. So what do you do? You’re sure as hell not going to stop having sex altogether. You’re going to protect yourself the usual route – Condoms and being discerning about the partners you choose.
Running to CVS, Target*, Walgreens, or the local clinic to get some rubbers is easy as pie. It’d be even easier if they stopped locking them up behind the counter where a woman who resembles your grandma is ringing up toothpaste and Bubble-Yum. What’s the hard part is choosing that good partner. We know that he/she looks clean isn’t worth a damn. Snooping in the medicine cabinet probably didn’t yield any results. No big bottle of pills labeled AIDS MEDICINE or anything. You really just have to trust what he/she tells you. Or you can request to see proof that they’ve been tested and is HIV-negative.

Do you have your test results within easy reach? Keep ’em framed on your wall? In a file cabinet? What about in your wallet next to your condom (a wallet is a poor place for a condom, by the way)? Hmm, wait a minute. In your wallet might not be a bad idea…

That was my really long introduction to STFree’s Safe Sex License. The NYC-based company says it’s easy: you sign up for the license, and get your clinic or private doctor to send your results to STFree. Then, when you meet someone smash-worthy, they can call up the hotline and verify that, yes, you recently tested negative. They can get other STD testing history as well.

Ohhhhhkay. On the plus side, you can break the ice of a potentially awkward conversation by showing your potential partner the silly ass card you carry around. You can feel healthier-than-thou. You have another form of photo ID in your pocket. On the negative (no pun) side, you haven’t really proved anything other than the fact that you’re susceptible to marketing and that you’ve had an HIV test at some point in the past.
You can catch HIV after you’ve been tested. There are also worries that people will use this “safe sex license” as a green light to go raw. I mean, you’ve seen for yourself and heard on the hotline that he/she was is HIV-negative so hey, condom off and party on, right? BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Sike.

Can I really be expected to take a guy seriously who hands me this card and expects me to just roll with it? Honestly, I would find him MORE suspect.

*BTW, I hate anonymous commenting with the lone goal of correction. Thanks.

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5 Comments

Filed under I'm Judging You (reviews & criticism)

5 responses to “Prove your love

  1. Wow. This would be better if you could scan a potential partner’s card into your cellphone and get the real results or something.

    On the real, though: I kinda support this.
    Too many people place their personal gratification over health concerns these days, acting all impulsive in the sack.

    Even with the kids…
    The whole abstinence thing they do in school fails to work when you have media imagery putting sex and all the fun stuff front and center.

    My stance: If you gonna do it, do it safe and stay as clean as possible.

    That’s what I’m gonna tell my children… when they turn 18 and move out the house.

  2. I don’t support it for reasons I stated in the post. So what you’ve been tested in the past. That doesn’t REALLY mean you’re free and clear today. That card might lull people into a false sense of security.

  3. triptych

    I wonder how long it will be before they get their faces sued off.

  4. lele

    ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  5. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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