Mission 5 – HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD: Assist Diddy’s Family
“Bad Boy Entertainment to me, it’s not just a company. We are an army. You seen the movie 300. It’s a small unit of us but we’re lethal. We are the best at what we do, you know. We take no prisoners. No mercy.”
-The Tao of Diddy
I can’t get into the blow by blow tonight. All I need to say is that these people suck. I would SO make a better personal assistant for Diddy. Granted, I might quit super fast, but I’d be able to make the cut before all of those jokers. Where’d they get these morons? Maybe it’s because they have to work in groups, I don’t know. I think if you didn’t have to deal with so many competing minds, you’d get more done quickly. They do have to keep the drama for television though I suppose.
To begin, and it’s no surprise, Poprah had a plan – Pimp LaVerne. See, Uptown Team was told that they’d have the option of selecting a member from Downtown Team. Kim set her sights on LaVerne. Her rationale: Diddy wouldn’t really hire anyone like LaVerne anyway. Damn.
This episode was filmed at the time when Diddy got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Time for the potential PAs to “handle” Diddy’s Mom and on/off girlfriend Kim Porter. Keeping the women in his life happy was key. Honestly, I’d be trying to snatch that tacky blonde bullshit off of Ms. Combs’ head.
Uptown gets Mama. Downtown got Babymama.
I’m convinced Kim/Poprah will get her own show from this. SOMETHING. She’s dropping tears. She’s orchestrating the fall of Red and other teammates. She’s pulling the strings and it’s horrible and fabulous at the same time. She’s clearly the one you love to hate.
This whole challenge was a mess. Both teams flubbed, but Uptown crashed and burned. Mainly because Poprah felt like she was the one uniquely suited to take care of Mama Combs, but really just served to aggravate the woman. She dropped the ball several times, making promises she couldn’t keep and neglecting to arrange security for the Mama in Charge. Downtown made their mark by getting in good with the kids and keeping them happy. Ain’t nothing like keeping kids out of their momma’s hair to make her like you.
Oh wait… nope. Uptown won. I guess it’s because they had a defined “point person” instead of Downtown with too many cooks in the kitchen. I disagreed with the determination, but my name isn’t Capricorn.
Called on the carpet: Kendra (for missing Diddy’s red phone call and for being all up in Kim Porter’s face) and Boris (for not lifting a finger to get the boys ready).
Out of the door: ______.
Phil Robinson and the other “judges” decided to let Boris and Kendra live again. Actually, Diddy decided. He said that would be a weekend of celebration. Diddy’s declaring moratoriums on eliminations and whatnot!
Personal highlights of the episode: Kim Porter asking Boris and Mike to get her tampons (aka Missiles); Seeing LaVerne in a bra (nice rack, man!); Boris accusing Kendra of being a drunk, wanting to fuck Mike AND fuck Diddy. WAUW!
Next week: The teams have to sell Unforgivable perfume. Greeeeeaaaaat. More product placement.
Thought I told you that we won’t stop, eh eh!