Ever have someone tell you something you already know to be true, you just needed to hear it come out of someone else’s mouth in a tough-love, “bitch get some ackright!” kind of way? Well, Collete just put it down. Colette, a dating and relationship expert, discusses the enigma of the “unavailable man”. Who is he? Why isn’t he calling you back? And most importantly, how do you move on, once and for all?
Why You Should Say Good-bye to The Unavailable Guy
How many times have you thought you met the perfect guy? He’s intelligent, funny, successful, and sexy as hell. You want to date him, and ultimately end up in a relationship with him. However, Mr. Smart and Sexy is only willing to give you a ¼ of his time (if you’re lucky), and you want more.
Sometimes, he calls you. Sometimes, he doesn’t. He pulls disappearing acts for days at a time. He cancels on you at the last minute, and once in a while, he doesn’t even bother to show up. Yet, you continue to see him. You make excuses for him. You tell yourself that he really likes you, but he has so many other things going on.
These are some of the classic excuses when dealing with an unavailable man – and like many women, I’ve used them a million times:
1) “He’s really busy… (with work, school, family, illness, etc.)”
2) “He’s scared of love.”
3) “He doesn’t like to be tied down.”
4) “He’s coming out of a really bad relationship.”
5) “He doesn’t want to admit how much he likes me.”
6) “He’s depressed.”
7) “He’s really stressed right now.”
8) “He’s still figuring out what he wants.”
9) “Things will change once he feels more comfortable.”
10) “We have conflicting schedules.”
You spend hours analyzing, debating, and picking apart conversations and meaningless gestures of affection he may have sprinkled on you here and there. You and your girlfriends stay up all night, discussing each other’s almost boyfriends, and how so and so doesn’t call you when you want and never has any time to see you. And, you tell each other the same thing: “Don’t worry. He’ll come around. [insert bad excuse here].”
What you don’t understand is they are unavailable because they don’t like you enough to spend time with you. You’re basically their friend that they don’t mind having sex with when they don’t have anything else going on. Sure, they’ll call you every now and then, but only when it works for them.
You may even go out on some half-assed date with you where you meet for drinks. Then, try to get a hold of them the next day: they’re nowhere to be found. You may leave a message for them to call you back. They call you back a few days later: “Oh, hey I got your message. I’ve been sooo busy. Let’s hang out soon.” And, the sad part is you believe them. You buy it, even though deep down you know, it’s a load of crap.
You don’t want to face the truth. You want to believe that this guy is crazy about you because being single can be lonely, and sometimes you just want to feel loved by somebody. It happens, and it doesn’t make you any less of a fabulous woman for feeling that way. We all go through those phases now and again.
If you are dating one of these Kings of Bullshit, the first thing you need to do is stop calling him. If this guy really wants to see you, then he can start putting in some friggin’ effort. Let him call you, make the dates, and drive to see you. This is a good test to see if he really likes you or not. If you don’t hear from him, then he wasn’t really feeling it.
You don’t want to be with somebody who can’t even take the initiative to call you or make plans to take you out on a real date, instead of one of those non-committal “hanging out” ones.
The “hanging out” date is really just a lame way of getting into your pants without having to fork out any dough. They’re also incredibly common nowadays, and the reason for that is because so many women fall for them. Guys think: “Cool, if it worked once, then I might as well keep on doing it.” These are the same men who have copies of Maxim on top of their toilets. Swoon…you had me at misogyny!
The best thing you can possibly do after dating one of these unavailable men is to focus on yourself and the things that fulfill you: Get back in touch with your passions, your hobbies, and everything that makes you happy. Once you are truly satisfied with your life, it won’t matter if you’re single or with someone – and, you will never again settle for some toolbox who doesn’t give you everything you need and deserve.
Swiped from BitchBuzz.