I Want to Work for Diddy – Mission 6

Mission 6 – The Unforgivable Hustle

I feel like I’m a definition of a hustler. Certain people are blessed with that common sense, go-getter, hustler type of attitude. If you can combine those forces, they’re the type of people I want on my team.
– The Tao of Diddy

Yo, last week was crazy, right? Boris straight up called Kendra OUT! This week didn’t let me down, either. We started off with Mike and Poprah getting into it. Thank you Diddy for continuing to bring the drama!

The craziest thing about this week’s ep was the booting of LAVERNE! Yes, child. LAVERNE! I don’t know if she really should have gone. Maybe this was just a way to get rid of her early, because honestly… would the Diddster roll with a Transsexual assistant? We’ll never know, now. I liked LaVerne a lot. I thought she was pretty level headed and together.

Brief recap, the teams’ challenge was to go to Sephora and sell as many bottles of Sean John Unforgivable as they can. They also had to make promotional T-shirts.

Downtown started off with a bang, so to speak. Mike’s idea for a shirt: “Now Smell This”. His explanation: “Women always think they coochie smell good. C’mon, Keep it funky!” The team hated on it, but I thought it was kind of clever. Not the coochie part, but overall.

Once again, the team was trying to exploit LaVerne’s identity as a trans person. She shoulda kirked the fuck out about it, she was certainly entitled at that point. Ever the lady, LaVerne kept herself in check.

Unfortunately, it seems like LaVerne’s identity is working against her in this challenge. People aren’t responding well to this tall, deep-voiced, Black woman who pretty obviously was born a man. Sex sells and many of the people in Sephora aren’t interested in sex with LaVerne. She wasn’t able to connect with the customers and didn’t close a deal.

Spotlight: Smitten

Glamour magazine online has a blog called Smitten. it’s alright but I mostly like the new feature which shares tales of awkward sexual experiences. Let’s face it, we’ve all had them. This had me literally laughing out loud. Can’t wait for more.

“My Horribly Awkward Sexual Experience.”

…First up is a hilarious 29-year-old editor in New York. Her steamy tale, after the jump…

One summer, I was interning in D.C., and I went out with a junior politician. He was a total pleaser–didn’t drink, very handshake-y, a really good guy.

At the end of the night, I went home with him, and we started hooking up.

So he goes down on me. I don’t particularly like that; it’s not my thing. But I have to throw a kid a bone because it’s nice of him, and he thinks he’s doing something fabulous. So I faked this elaborate orgasm. My fake orgasm had two messages: One, thank you, and two, you’ve done your thing, let’s finish up.

7 ways to take care of a drunk friend

I was thinking about how helpful my friend was the other night when I was inches away from alcohol poisoning. I also thought about how he doesn’t really have that much experience dealing with drunk friends (at least I don’t think so). So I figured I’d give a few tips on what one should do when entrusted with the care of a shitfaced pal.

1. Take a lesson from the folks in New Orleans and Key West. PREPARE!
In preparing for Gustav and Ike, the good folks of the coastal region know that even though it all looks good (calm before the storm), some shit is about to go down. They buy out the stores, board up their homes and, if they’re smart, they’ll hightail it out of town. You can do the same for you drunk friend. You can totally tell when somebody is heading down the road to DrunkAsFuckTown. This is a good time to start slipping them glasses of water and directing them away from the open bar. If they haven’t threatened to keel over yet, you might even want to take ’em to a diner for some fries. Mmm, fries.

I’m Never Drinking Again

Sike. I hate when people say that. Unless you’re an alcoholic, there’s no reason to go so far and proclaim abstinence from liquor altogether!

But I’ll be damned if I sure didn’t feel like that today. I had the worst hangover of my LIFE. I am still recovering. I won’t go into the whole story because it’s scary and at one point kind of disgusting. I’m just glad I’m okay and that I had a good friend to look out for me. Too bad the weather was so nice today (yesterday at this point) because I was stuck in bed the entire time. By midnight I was finally able to keep some food down. Thanks Alka-Seltzer.

Oh, and in case you ever wondered, you can indeed vomit through your nose.

:(