Dear Guy Dressed in Really Big Clothing,

You look stupid.

Let me preface this with some background. On the bus last night, I saw a dude who was wearing the biggest “shirt” I’ve ever seen in my entire 26.9 years on this planet. This shirt was so huge he could have, and probably did at some point, tripped on it. There was nothing attractive about that outfit at all. It had to be a 10XL and that’s a modest estimation. The arm holes alone could have made a loose skirt for a big-hipped woman! Where the hell did he buy that shirt? It was clearly made for those uber obese people who need cranes to remove them from their homes. Under this shirt/dress he wore some dark baggy jeans. On his feet, homeboy wore some fake Air Force Ones screen-printed with $100 bills all over them. I wish I could have taken a picture. If you need a visual, think of the Chipmunks.

This is not a blanket dis to the young kids out there. Sometimes I’m amused and appreciative of the creative ways in which these kids are putting together their outfits. The colors, the accessories. Fitted hat setting off the laces in your kicks, accenting the colors in your shirt, and so on. If you’re young and stylish, that might be totally appropriate.

I’m just calling out those clowns walking down the street. Old people, too. C’mon gramps. Your ass is 62 and you’re wearing baggy shorts, a jersey and dunks… and it’s not game day.

WHO THINKS THIS IS ATTRACTIVE?

That guy with the shirt/dress got dressed that morning and thought he looked cool. That’s such poor judgment or just indicative of a mental deficiency. Brother was deprived a few Flintstones Vitamins in the past, I guess.

So yeah, you… dressed like Jared in his “before” pants…

You look stupid.