another look at drunk dialing

“You never call me when you’re sober…”
• Call Me When You’re Sober – Evanescence

What, if anything, does it mean if someone never calls you when they’re sober? And by “never”, I mean 9/10 times you’re on the receiving end of the drunken call. This, by the way, is not exactly the same as a drunk dial. The drunk dial is chiefly characterized by the revelation of some potentially embarrasing information that the caller wouldn’t normally share. Proclamations of love, sexual suggestions, rants and angry shit are all under the purview of drunk dialing. I guess the “never calling sober” still comes under the umbrella of drunk dialing, it’s just a bit different in my experience.

A recent call by a drunk friend around 2am this morning reminded me of someone I used to know who never called me when he was sober…

I used to date this guy somewhere around 3-4 years ago. He was the quintessential “Unavailable Man.” That didn’t stop me from wasting a year of my emotional energy on our “relationship” (those quotes are so necessary), but at the time I was willing to compromise on the things I wanted us to be just to continue having him in my life. Anyway, he introduced me to this particular type of drunk dial.

To begin, the caller can’t be particularly phone-oriented. He hardly ever calls you on a normal basis. No idle chit chat, no “just called to see how you were doing.” So when he does call, you’re kind of surprised (at least in the beginning. After a while, you’ll come to know the pattern). However, he’s not calling to say any of the things you want to hear. He is not calling just to hear your voice. He’s calling because he’s got something to get off of his chest, something about HIM, and now that he’s liquored up he can’t wait to get it out. Problem is, it’s probably late at night/early in the morning depending on when the club or party let out. You realize that he’s not calling you because you’re such a good listener, because he values your opinion, or because he thinks of you as a trustworthy confidante. He called you, drunk and at an obscene hour, because he knows you’ll answer. You will wake up and/or stay up and listen to him.

That shit sounds huff as hell, doesn’t it? Let me assure you that it is. I guess I did it because I was just trying to take what I could get. If the only way I was going to get insight into that man was to answer his 3am phone calls, fine. The downside was that I’d wake up tired and no closer to getting any of the things I wanted from the “relationship.” Another downside was trying to find something deeper in whatever he said. Nothing was there, I’m sure. But you know how some people get when they drink. Example: Once, he told me that he appreciated me and I was one of the only people he could talk to. He said he loved me. I spent a good two weeks (or more) trying to decide which was true: People tell the truth when they’re drunk vs. People say all kinds of bullshit that is probably false when they’re drunk. That’s a good way to drive yourself crazy, if you were wondering.

You’ll be happy to know that at a certain point, I would hear the phone ring, see that it was him and hit “ignore”. He certainly wasn’t available to hear me vent and talk about what was going on in my life. I’d like to think that I learned from that situation. Still, I have to ask again, what does it mean if someone can’t call you until after they’ve had their 5th Jack-N-Coke?

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1 Comment

Filed under My Life, relationships, Routine Ramblings

One response to “another look at drunk dialing

  1. krispyana

    Wow. Now I’ve got to vent. I’ve never had to deal with drunk dialing, but I’ve definitely dated the quintessential “Unavailable Man”. I spent time trying to develop that “relationship” but that’s kinda hard to do when everything is a one-sided effort. I compromised a lot as well. I invested emotionally, mentally & financially in him (I spent hella money on him: basketball tickets, comedy show tickets, autographed baseball by his fav team, a piano, lol, at one point, I was hoping he would stay just for the money). Wasted my weekends waiting on him to call only to find out a day later that he was busy. I spent way too much time analyzing what he said so I could get an idea of where we were at. Was it a relationship, were we dating, those kinds of questions. I asked him, of course, but all I got were evasive answers. Fortunately for me, he found someone else and moved on. I got over it and realized that no matter how hard you try, you can’t make things right when they are wrong.

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