Dear Tyra,

Ahhh Tyra. I really do respect how you’ve been on the grind since you were like 14. You did the high fashion modeling thing then parlayed your newfound curves into Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated gigs. Then you hit up television and banged out cycle after cycle of ANTM. You’re nipping at Oprah’s heels with your talk show. You run a camp for teen girls, T-Zone (oddly named since when I think of a T-Zone, I think of the oily patch on my nose and forehead). You are doing it, girlfriend. *Snaps* I bet you have a clothing line, magazine or home decor line in the works a la Martha Stewart.

My point is, I like you. I like you despite the fact that you sometimes make serious fashion and hair blunders. I like you despite the fact that you exploit peoples’ ethnicities and backgrounds on ANTM. I like you despite the fact that you always put emphasis on words that often do not need emphasizing and you take unnecessary pauses in the middle of words. Super annoying, honeychild. *More Snaps*

This, however, I can’t really excuse or defend. You’re wilding out. Maybe you had a bit much wine, I can empathize there. Maybe you took too many painkillers. Again, empathy. This is just bad judgment. Alas, I have no choice but to post the offending evidence of your impending mental breakdown on my blog. You’re my girl, but like I said… indefensible!

Epicurious?

I swiped this from Shani-O over at The Neo (also posted at PostBourgie).
It’s a list of the one hundred foods every omnivore should eat once in their lifetime, courtesy of the folks at Very Good Taste. Here’s how it works:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos Rancheros
4. Steak Tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black Pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush

Bridget Jones, grow a pair.

I’m watching Bridget Jones Edge of Reason and it sucks bawlz. Who liked this movie? Why did Rene Zellweger get chubbo TWICE to play this knuckleheaded chick? It was probably the reported 3.2 million dollar bonus on top of the 15 million for the movie itself, but that’s beside the point.

She’s sooooo annoying. The writers of this flick are trying to convince me that insecurity is endearing. It’s not. They also want me to think that this woman, who finds value in her life only when there’s a man involved, is cute. No. She’s so tragic.

THe only reason I’m still watching is because I haven’t motivated my ass to move from the sofa to my bed. IF anything, this is a cautionary tale on how not to act. I’ve certainly learned something. Watching Bridget get up from bed wrapped in a sheet after a night of sex simply because she didn’t want her boyfriend to see her “wobbly bits” was painful. I wanted to give her one of those shoulda had a V8 knocks on the head. It also reminded me that 9/10, if he wanted to screw you all night, he ain’t really thinking about your wobbly bits in the morning. He more than likely was all about those bits when yall was bumpin and grindin.

Cocoon of self-pity and ice cream

Then she proceeds to sabotage the relationship she lives and breathes for (a six week relationship, btw) by letting her insecurities get in the way. Listen, if you keep telling a man about all of the reasons he shouldn’t be with you, he might start to listen.

To top it all off, I just generally dislike Rene in anything. In this shit, in that shit with Tom Cruise and as herself in real life.

This movie blows. I do not want to see a lonely, crying, self-deprecating, co-dependent white broad boo-hooing after some mediocre English guy.
To all the people who paid to see it, read the books and (oh God) bought the DVD: GET HELP NOW. I’m turning it off.