I Want to Work for Diddy – Mission 9

There is a method to the madness
-The Tao of Diddy™

You lettin' these fools handle my showcase?

The four remaining hopefuls learn that they’ll be spending their first day at Bad Boy soon and being as such, they need to preserve their sexy. Mr. Combs doesn’t like ugly people around him at Bad Boy, so you know, keep it tight. The four get sent to a salon to get styled, shaved and waxed. Poprah even lets them handle that upper lip hair. Go on girl. Next, they all get to cop new gear. Stefanie and Suzanne are sent to H&M (O Really Puff?), Poprah gets to roll dolo to Lane Bryant (Well, I guess so) and Mike heads to the Sean John store (seems like he got the best deal).

The new mission is to put together a showcase for Janelle Monae (who is the hotness). The show really hammers home the point that a showcase is super important to an artist’s success. It can make or break him/her. Knowing the gravity of the situation, we know somebody’s going to fall HOARD. Kim steps out ahead as the leader because, according to her, she’s done that before.

The thing that stops people from being successful most of the time is their egos; how they gonna look to they friends or they feel something is beneath them. You know I started out I would go clean toilets at a Mexican restaurant and I would be a bus boy. At the end of the day, getting the job done and working hard is extremely important.
– The Tao of Diddy™

The Four hook up with Diddy’s current assistants to get the real on what they need to do today: Whatever Diddy Wants! This is more complicated than you think because Diddy truly expects each person to be in several places at once. Tasks pile on to each one and before they can even get started on one, BOOM, there’s another.

Dear Bald Men w/Ponytails,

Give it up.

I’m sitting in class right now behind TWO grown men with ponytails to the middle of their backs, yet they’re clearly balding in the front. One of them is more bald than the other; he has that bald spot in the center of the back of his head.

I just do not know why you insist on holding on to that hair. If you had a heart, you’d snip that thang and donate it to Locks for Love! I guess I just do not understand what it’s like for a man to lose their hair. It seems like Black men have a better time of it, because they’ll go Mr. Clean bald and still look cool. Think Shaft or Michael Jordan. White dudes go shiny-head bald and they’re suspect Neo-Nazis! This is not to say that Black men do not offend. I’ve seen cat daddies in those big ass zoot suits and greasy, slicked back ponytails.

I know that it’s hard sometimes to see yourself for what you really are. Look at Donald Trump. He has the most laughed at comb-over in the world but he’s still holding on to those 6 hairs. John McCain must have spent hours getting ready for the debate last week, making sure those bald spots were covered just right. The ponytail, though, just reeks of desperation.

So please, cut that shit off or kill yourself.