I Want to Work for Diddy – Mission 9

There is a method to the madness
-The Tao of Diddy™

You lettin' these fools handle my showcase?

The four remaining hopefuls learn that they’ll be spending their first day at Bad Boy soon and being as such, they need to preserve their sexy. Mr. Combs doesn’t like ugly people around him at Bad Boy, so you know, keep it tight. The four get sent to a salon to get styled, shaved and waxed. Poprah even lets them handle that upper lip hair. Go on girl. Next, they all get to cop new gear. Stefanie and Suzanne are sent to H&M (O Really Puff?), Poprah gets to roll dolo to Lane Bryant (Well, I guess so) and Mike heads to the Sean John store (seems like he got the best deal).

The new mission is to put together a showcase for Janelle Monae (who is the hotness). The show really hammers home the point that a showcase is super important to an artist’s success. It can make or break him/her. Knowing the gravity of the situation, we know somebody’s going to fall HOARD. Kim steps out ahead as the leader because, according to her, she’s done that before.

The thing that stops people from being successful most of the time is their egos; how they gonna look to they friends or they feel something is beneath them. You know I started out I would go clean toilets at a Mexican restaurant and I would be a bus boy. At the end of the day, getting the job done and working hard is extremely important.
– The Tao of Diddy™

The Four hook up with Diddy’s current assistants to get the real on what they need to do today: Whatever Diddy Wants! This is more complicated than you think because Diddy truly expects each person to be in several places at once. Tasks pile on to each one and before they can even get started on one, BOOM, there’s another.

So they head to Diddy’s place and yo, when he finally came down the stairs in his penthouse… HAHAHA. The music played like the heavens opened up. What we do learn is that Diddy can’t or won’t do jack shit for himself. Oh? You expect Sean Combs to go through and read the newspaper himSELF? Pshhhhhhhhawwww! Silly peasants! YOU must read my paper and tell me all the pertinent news. You couldn’t have possibly thought that I was going to do it? HA! You can’t work for Diddy!
To be real, just watching this shit got me nervous and I’m on my couch! They got to get his breakfast, his latte, find more guests for the party, pick out his clothes, get water, walk his dog (Poprah’s gig since she has fat asthma) and run through Central Park with him. These fools are out there struggling to keep up with Diddy who is a pretty good runner WHILE making calls and shit to find stuff to do with his kids over the weekend. Whew!

The AYDMF award goes to Stefanie. Not only can Diddy NOT remember her name for shit, but when he sends her to get some phone numbers from the Rolodex, she asks his current assistants for the Roller Dice. Dear Stefanie, YOU ARE NOT READY TO WORK FOR DIDDY! Yours truly, Bourgie.

Like I said, this ep totally stressed me out. I said before that I could be a better PA than these jerks, but nevermind. I can’t take an early coronary behind Mr. Combs’ ass. They truly saved the best for last because Diddy straight up called Poprah out for being all talk and no results. All day, she was responsible for the guest list and all day, Diddy kept asking her to deliver the list. All Poprah could do was pass the buck, saying Kamala (one of Diddy’s employees) was supposed to get the list, or the printer’s not on her desk. Whatever. Finally, she told Diddy she couldn’t invent a list for him. Last straw. Diddy delivered the words himself: You Are Not Ready To Work For Diddy!

Yo, Kim/Poprah just about lost it, son. We don’t know if she’s totally booted yet. Can you tell? Guess we’ll find out next week on the Finale!!