Three things stood out about today:
1. I got my passport. Yes, it’s true, I have a skeleton in my bourgie closet. I am just now getting a passport. Unlike the old money negroes, I’m just now getting an opportunity to travel the world. I’m hype though. I busted that thing open and flipped through the pages. My picture is horrendous, but I’ll deal. It’s really only the WORLD that will be judging me. No biggie. All of those pages, though… it was like they were daring me to jet set all over the globe. Fill ‘er up with evidence of exotic vacations, cultural tours and business trips. Now I can just sit and wait for someone to whisk me away to Tuscany for lunch and Dubai for cocktails. HOLLA! Ah, I’m a grown up now.
2. I was chilling in Starbucks today. Took one of those stools that allow you to look out the window onto the street. Middle of the afternoon, so a lot of sidewalk traffic. As I sipped my Iced Nonfat Caramel Macchiato – No Whip and listed to my iPod, I looked up and saw a blind guy walking buy with that red-tipped tapping stick. Oh, and he was HOT. I immediately wondered: How does one go about hollering at a blind dude? I mean, essentially there shouldn’t be any difference. But how often does one see a hot blind person? Not everyday. That being said, I have absolutely no experience. I mean, half of the holler is letting the person SEE you. I try to let my “goods” do a lot of the work, ya know. With that canceled out, you gotta have a mean talk game. You also have to figure out how to stop the person other than screaming “HEY!” or grabbing their arm, both of which are pretty tacky. Do you get in his way and let that red-tipped tapping stick bruise up your shins?
Needless to say, I did not get up from my comfy stool and leave my macchiato. I just wondered. My uncle used to date a deaf chick. That wasn’t too bad. Any experience with dating the blind?
3. Still in Starbucks. While I was gazing out the window, I noticed a Bag Lady out the corner of my eye. I guess bag lady is the correct term because she had a lot of bags with her. Anyway, I thought to myself “I hope this woman doesn’t come over here.” Aaaaand, you know it… she came over to me DIRECTLY. She starts to say something and I didn’t hear at first. Remember, I had my earbuds in and on blizzast too. I pop out one bud and hit her with the “huh?”
Her: Could you help me out? Could you help me get a coffee?
Me: Oh. I don’t have any cash on me. (this is a lie. I say this as I look down because my bag is on the chair next to me, it’s open and my wallet is near the top. She looks down too. Briefly, I think she’s plotting on my wallet.)
Her: (looking at my wallet) Well can you charge it?
Me: (shaking head) No. Sorry.
Her: (moves on to stalk someone else’s credit)
Charge it?! Is she crazy? WTF do I look like reaching into my bag, popping the clasp on my wallet, digging out my precious plastic and charging a $4 latte for HER? Look lady, I don’t know if you’re homeless or just down on your luck. Either way you’ve got some nerve. This is STARBUCKS. Before I went to Starbucks I had to have a conversation with myself and try to justify my macchiato purchase. It’s about to be a recession yo! I gotta consider the “latte factor” and its effect on my pocket, especially because I just dropped > $1360 on a ticket to Japan! I really might not need to have Starbucks but I decided to get a Tall instead of a Grande as a compromise. My point is if *I* have to bargain with myself to have Starbucks, you sure as hell can’t get no FREE Starbucks at my expense. I could see it if she was outside in front of one of the lunch trucks or newsstands and wanted a coffee. Those jawns cost .75¢ – $1.50. THAT, you can have Ms. Bag Lady Ma’am.
I got up and left. I really hope no one bought her a coffee. I spent my whole summer working for the homeless, so I am sympathetic. I just have certain personal rules/expectations when it comes to panhandling/begging. When I give money (which is rare because it’s not that helpful and I’d rather give money/time to a shelter or agency, but I digress) I’d rather give some change on the street or buy someone a hotdog or coffee. Something like that. I do NOT entertain panhandling inside of a place where I am trying to enjoy a meal or peace & quiet. I think it’s against the general rules of common courtesy.
Oh I need someone to send me a Starbucks gift card. Times are kind of tight right now and I’m dying to try that new Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate! Thanks!