So after you’ve spent Black Friday shopping for your chaise lounge Tantra Chair, you might need a “foot stool” to complete your naughty decor. Promising to “take the gravity out of sex,” the BodyBouncer is a sex gadget that will take some stress off of your body while you’re getting busy without freaking out your mother if she busts an unexpected visit.
According to the Daily Bedpost: He lies under it, you sit on top, and the handy hole lets you, er, connect. […] “Just the slightest flexing of her thighs sends her gliding up and down–gently and sensually–yielding an erotic connection with astonishing potency.” In other words, sex that doesn’t leave you feeling like you just spent an hour on the Thighmaster.
Ohhhhkay. I have to say that I find this pretty strange. I mean, he puts his, um, well… put it through the hole? Not only is that just plain weird, but you miss all of the good skin to skin contact. Then again, if you’re worried about skin to skin because you’re super paranoid concerned about safe sex, I guess you couldn’t go wrong with a condom AND a BodyBouncer! Still, for $199, this thing is testing the pockets in a recession. Wonder if I can find something similar at Ikea and use a cookie cutter to get the hole popping off? Check out the site’s “Groove Gallery” for all of the bizarro nifty ways you can use the thing.
HAMMER: “Extra control for her, with an exotic clamping action on the upstroke. Have her grip the sides and pull down for greater penetration.” I just think this is cool for the triceps workout.” I wouldn’t want to get stuck with “bye-bye” arms when I could have just hammered my way to Angela Basset arms!
DOGHOUSE: “Throw her over the doghouse—a natural for doggy-style lovers. A classic groove freed of awkward balance and position issues, and now also allowing her to masturbate comfortably while enjoying vigorous rear entry. Put a thick towel on the saddle for her comfort.” You definitely won’t mess your hair up here. Plus I think it’s very considerate that they thought enough of the fact that you might want to give yourself a hand (literally) while in this position.
CAT CAGE: “Get in the cage for her intimate oral pleasure. It’s never been this effortless—no more neck cramps and burning arms. Always exercise caution when sitting down on an occupied Bouncer.” Points for it being called “cat cage” LOL. Also, I think this might be the best use of this thing. I always felt that there was a high probability of suffocation for the dude when he wants you to “sit on his face.” I mean, if he’s doing it right he could die and who wants to explain to the paramedics or, *gasp* his momma, how he was asphyxiated by your vagina and thighs? Ok, I just made myself laugh here.
And just for fun, hows about a couple silly BodyBounce maneuvers?
ARCH ANGEL: “You just have to try it to believe how good it feels. A rhythmic bearing down does the trick. Lubricate just her arches and use a towel on the saddle for stability.” Are you fucking serious?
There are more. I could be here all day. I’ll leave the rest of the work up to you all. I’m dying here.