I thought of this when I saw a Tweet from Skinny Black Girl posing the question, “Do grown folks really need to “go together?” is it just me or are options still open until you’re engaged???”
One of the lies women AND men tell ourselves is that we have no claim on the person we’re spending time with because there’s no ring on anyone’s finger (peace Bey). I mean, essentially that is true. If you are not promised/betrothed/engaged/sold (jk) to someone, well then what can you say? They’re still single, at least that’s how Uncle Sam sees it. No one wants to come off as the clingy one. The person who is trying to make more out of the relationship than the other. Know why? Well if you are the clingy one, you can end up pushing him/her away or making them feel claustrophobic. Plus when you let him/her know that you feel some type of way about exclusivity, you’ve basically laid down your cards and shown your hand. Power has likely shifted at that point and you open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. Vulnerability is difficult for the majority of us. So we just minimize it all. “If you really want to see other people, I mean, that’s cool. Not like we’re married or anything.” Yeah, okay.
You’re straight up lying to yourself. Of course it’s different when things between the two of you are young, fresh and new (Hi Phonte!). That’s another story. But when things have been going on for a while and you’re spending time and energy, you are most assuredly entitled to feel like exclusivity is warranted. At the very least, you have to admit to yourself and him/her that you would feel some kind of way about them seeing other people. I mean, you can’t tell me that it’s nothing to you if your boo of like two years just up and decides to start dating someone while seeing you. Yall aren’t married. Not even engaged. So you don’t have any call to say whether they should be seeing other people? GTFOOH!
You’re really just doing a disservice to yourself in the end. So in answer to SBG’s inquiry, yes… grown ups still need to “go together” (although I wouldn’t call it that). You ain’t gotta put a ring on it but at some point, there are expectations and both parties need to be held accountable.