the ex files

So I saw one of my ex boyfriends this week while visiting in North Carolina. Let’s call him Jordan. Apparently Jordan still has me on his AIM Buddy List and saw my away message that read: “In NC.” He IM’d me and suggested we see each other. At first I was a little hesitant. I was surprised to hear from him and one of the first things I wondered about was all of the other away messages he must have been reading. Second thing I thought about was why he wanted to see me anyway. We did not end well at all and there is no interest on my end to get back together. He said he just wanted to see me and see how I was doing. Fine, okay. Well my friends and I had plans to go bowling so I told him he could stop by the bowling alley. He originally wanted to meet at a “quaint bar” as he put it, but I figured it was best that we were with my friends instead.

He was all cheesing when he saw me, told me I looked good and sounded impressed when I talked about some of the things I have going on for myself right now. It shouldn’t matter, but it felt good that he “approved”. I guess there’s always that feeling of vindication when your ex is clearly still into you and you’re not into them. Even more than that, when they can see that you are better without them. I know for a fact that I am healthier, stronger, better (and thinner, lol) than I was when we were dating and it felt good that he could see it too.

We ended in 2004 after dating for just a year. It was a tumultuous year which found me graduating from college, moving from NC to NYC, starting school, quitting school, moving back to NC and other things. I made a lot of poor decisions at that time and I partly attribute that to my relationship with Jordan. Now, while I can’t totally blame him, I know that things would be very different for me today if I had not met him or if I had not stayed with him as long as I did. I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said he was controlling and emotionally abusive at times. I can really only see that in retrospect. That dude was totally toxic.

So why would I agree to see him? I don’t know. Maybe I was motivated by what I said earlier, that I felt like I had gotten back on the track he helped derail me from and I wanted to show off. I had also kind of started to forget what he looked like so I wanted to see that too. He put on a little weight. I laughed on the inside. To be honest, I’m not sure what really attracted me to him in the first place. I mean, he’s tall and he is a good looking guy but he’s not really my type. Maybe he’s not my type anymore since he helped turn me off from light skinned dudes! (Um, if any litebrites are reading, submit your pics and I’ll def give you a once over before totes denying your application, thanks)

It was clear that there was a lot of shit in the air for me because I started sweating and it had nothing to do with the bowling I was doing. We only talked for about 30-40 min and then he left. My boy told me that he didn’t get a good vibe from Jordan and I was like yeah, I can totally understand that. He’s pretty shady even though he comes off as very nice and sweet in the beginning. I guess that’s how I got roped in to begin with.

I glad I got that over with but I have one real issue with the whole encounter. I’m pissed that he interacted with me as if SOOOO much life changing shit hadn’t transpired between us! I like to think of myself as pretty open here, but I’m not even comfortable talking about it on my blog right now. All I know is, him asking to see me out the blue and just chit chatting about the holidays, school and work was kind of insulting.

In general, I’m friends with exboyfriends. Jordan was an asshole to me so I didn’t care whether we were friends or not. My most immediate ex refuses to speak to me (even though we are in the same room or sitting at the same table when I go to NC) and hasn’t talked to me since we broke up in 2007. Other than them though, I prefer to be cordial and friendly with the guys. Maybe that’s what I was going for with that impromptu reunion earlier this week, cordiality. Maybe closure more than anything. I didn’t get much closure, however, since the real things bothering me didn’t get addressed. But maybe that’s not necessary? I don’t know. I feel like I’m rambling now. My only regret about seeing him this week was that I was in bowling shoes and not my high-heeled boots!

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4 Comments

Filed under My Life, relationships, Routine Ramblings

4 responses to “the ex files

  1. I had a very similar incident. Spent two years in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Finally pulled myself out and moved on with my life, but when I returned to Hampton to finish up school I *had* to go see the dude that had damn near killed me.

    Part of it was to prove that i was over it and over him. Part of it was to show him that he didn’t break me. The thing that bothered me the most was that he said “why do you look like you’re still mad at me. that was so long ago.” I wanted to snap and choke the shit out of him. The whole thing was just not a big deal to him. As pissed as i was though, it reassured me that I had made the right decision (eventually) and that I had truly moved on.

    congrats to you and I wish you all the best in your travels.

  2. i always say ex’s are ex’s for a reason. even tho I’m cool with a few guys, I’m not so cool with other and don’t even care.

  3. It’s always interesting to see an ex after some time has lapsed (at least, it is for me). Kinda peculiar that he would still have you on his AIM buddy list too… Wonder what he’s trying to hold onto. I’ve this one ex that I wouldn’t dare want to see in person ever again, I’m actually afraid of what I would do if I saw him. All others, I could pretty much deal with and be right as rain afterward.

  4. KT

    I have an ex that falls into this category. I’m cordial with all of them, but he just, something about him irritates me if/when he contacts me. We broke up almost 8 yrs ago, yet he still believes that we should still hang out or talk daily. We datd on and off my high school years, through my freshman year, and then we dated again for one more year. you would have thought that I would not have gone back a second time but, it was for him and not myself (which is something I will NEVER do again). He was emotionally and physically abusive, and I believe, had I broken up with hiim my fresman year of college, I would have traveled a different path. But anyway, I saw him about a year ago (bc he kept buggin me) and I swear, nothing had changed. We were older, but he was still living the same life, talking about the same things, while I had clearly moved on a grew. I felt like I transported back to 2000. It was eary. Part of me wanted to see him because I had spent so much time with him, but the bigger part of me, needed to see him so that I would know that, I’d made the right decision, and I needed to keep things how they were (extremely distant).

    He’s text me 3 times within the last 3 weeks. I have ignored them all…..shudder……

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