My Tiger Woods Post

Do you know how there are some people, no matter what they generally do, you just won’t get upset with them? I feel that way about Sean PDiddy Combs. I feel that way about Beyonce. I feel that way about Tiger Woods. For now. There’s no telling how this story is going to develop, and it seems to be developing every 12 hours, but right now I really don’t see what the big honking deal is about Tiger Friggin Woods.

Yes. That man cheated on his wife. Can’t say that I’m surprised and no, it is not right. Let me reiterate, it is not right and I do not condone cheating on your spouse no matter who you are and how much money you have. When it comes to Tiger cheating on his wife and the mother of his children, Elin, I think she and their family should be very upset. Should *I* be very upset? Nope. Disappointed? Why?

Tiger Woods is a celebrity, yes. While I’m not one who looks to celebs and athletes as role models, I understand that many people do. Therefore I expect them to live up to that burden as best they can. But come on, humans are going to fall short EVERY TIME. Why are we so surprised that Tiger Woods has the same kind of vices and failings that most of us battle with on the daily?

I had to shake my head for real when I came across Ta-Nehisi’s blog today. I saw he posted an excerpt from the AP. Apparently, “journalists” say that Black people are pissed that Tiger didn’t cheat with any sistahs. Huh? One of the world’s greatest mysteries is not “why are we here” but “will white people EVER know what Black folks think about anything in the entire universe?” I’m no spokesperson for Black people (though I do have a degree in African-American studies which probably qualifies me for something, if only in my mind), but I’m going to take a stab at it and say that we don’t give a fuck.

When Tiger Woods first burst out onto the national scene, we were like, “yo, that’s a Black dude playing golf. Funky fresh!” (no, we didn’t say that last part). He was brown and his dad was clearly a Black man. His mom was Asian… so what. (See Wesley Snipes. Who’s blacker than him?). Even when he came out with that Cablinasian hulabaloo we still said, “whatever, joe. that fool Black,” and continued to cheer for him. Tiger’s victories were our victories even when we didn’t tune in to the Masters or the Opens. When he married a blonde Swedish nanny we were not surprised. Not because we thought he was some sort of self-hating sellout, but because that’s pretty much expected when you grow up around white folks in a sport dominated by white folks. Plus she’s hot (if you’re into that sort of thing). So I ask you, dear readers, why the hell would ANYONE be surprised that he was cheating with 7, 8, or 9 blonde white broads? What would have been a heart-stopper would be Tiger dipping out on Elin with a Jill Marie Jones, Regina Hall or Malinda Williams type (all beautiful, btw). No wonder new media is taking over if this is what J-schools are cranking out these days. Do better AP. Matter of fact, do better all traditional news outlets.

More on the news… I watch every morning as I get ready for work. I may as well turn to TMZ since that is where Fox5, ABC, CBS, etc get their info from. The news is full of speculation. Like Chris Rock said, they’re just making things up, not reporting what happened! I can’t deal. They were reporting this “story” before it was actually a story. They harassed Tiger to make him give a statement when one wasn’t necessary. They’re exploiting what ought to be a private family matter. Dude is losing endorsements. I could go on about those endorsements, but all I’ll say is that Gatorade, Nike, American Express and whoever else cuts him a check might need to check themselves before they riggidy wreck themselves. If wholesome family man is a requirement for an endorsement, they’ll have to pull out of business altogether.

Look yall, I don’t want to hear that Tiger and Elin had a violent relationship. I don’t want to hear that he hurt her emotionally or any other way. Nor her, him. If those things happened, I want the law to get involved where necessary and for use to be spared the rest. Must I know what Tiger says in nasty voicemails to his sidepieces. God no! Maybe I’m missing something, but why is this newsworthy? Why is this an opportunity to comment on how Black Tiger is? Le sigh.

untitled

Ten years later, my reaction to this video is the same as when I first saw it in my dorm room freshman year (holla 404 E-haus, UNC’s South Campus!) with my roomie and my bestie. We three were jaw jacking about something when the video came on my roomie’s 13in television. All conversation ceased. I was sitting cross-legged on the top bunk, roomie was sitting on her bed, and bestie stood in the middle of the room. All three, mesmerized and silent. All three, breathing in sync with him. We were the ultimate voyeurs, peeking in on an intimate moment with a man we could have built from all of our favorite parts. It wasn’t raunchy. It wasn’t vulgar. It was sexy in the way romance novels try to be with all of that grand, overly-descriptive language.

Not until the video went off were we able to start talking again. There was about a 10 second delay and we all snapped out of our trances and laughed. Real talk, some kind of Lex Luthor, Dr. Doom, Magneto, Boris & Natasha, or Dr. Evil could have put his world domination propaganda into that video and we would have willingly done their bidding. I still really can’t tell you what the lyrics are or what the song’s about because I don’t really *hear* it. SMH.

RHoATL, S2E8: Mama I’m not wantin’ to sing

Snarky housewives on deck! Let’s go!

What is wrong with Sheree’s trainer? When he first popped on the show he seemed like a normal personal trainer, getting folks in shape while sitting on his ass. After the first commercial break, homeboy enters with a studded leather vest and a banana sling for his frank and beans! What kind of bootleg “fitness modeling” bullshit is this? Looks like Chippendales… for men.

These chicks will have a party for anything. After taking those alter-ego photos with Derek Blanks, the ladies are prepping for a black-tie event to reveal the pics. I’m going to let out a big who cares right here. I expect this kind of behavior from the likes of Nene and Sheree but really, who besides the women on the show is attending this party? I’ve been to Atlanta and every other week there’s a new hot spot opening up. Hell, it’s even popping at the mall. So why, folks, would any self-respecting person go to a fancy party to see some pics that will be up on Google Images in less than 24?

As expected, a bunch of nobody negroes showed up to this “party” to see some C-list reality celebrities’ airbrushed photos. Whoo. Walking through that “Who’s who” of Atlanta Society, Kim must have been too dazzled by all of the fabulocity in the room and she bust her ass down three patio stairs. It did look rather nasty with several scratches on her knees and shin but the party is not going to stop because some white girl done fell down the stairs. Or maybe it will. EVERYONE gathered around the SUV and moved the party outside! Wow! What a perfect opportunity to preview the new hit song, Tardy for the Party! Hahaha! Yall, that display by Kim was the worst, most pitiful bullshit I’ve ever seen. She is crazy. What grown woman acts like that? You fall, you get up. If it’s serious, well you have someone take you to the hospital. You dont get carried around like Cleopatra to view your subpar alter-ego photoshoot in the DRIVEWAY! Jesus be a gurney!

Miss Piggy

this is the kind of random stuff you’ll get messing with me but seeing Kermit the Frog show up to the MTV Video Music Awards with Lady Gaga made me wonder, “Where’s Miss Piggy?” Miss Piggy really should make more appearances. Out of all the muppets she had mad pizazz and a pretty fly fashion sense that would stomp out any pig (I see you Babe, I see you Wilbur) and half the hussies walking around the streets right now! Homegirl had attitude AND she was a martial arts master! Or maybe just really good at saying “HI-YAHH!” Whatever. Swinetastic is all she is. My only issue with Piggy was how clingy she got when it came to Kermy. She was constantly throwing her bodacious bacon at his skinny frog legs and he was always giving her the heisman! Reminds me of Carrie (SATC) or Joan (Girlfriends)… fabulous, successful women who feel incomplete without a man. Le Sigh. I still got love for Piggy. She’s truly a bourgie boar broad.

Anyway, Kermit kind of played himself rolling with Gaga after she basically wore a coat of his carcasses out and about. WTF Kermy?

RHoATL, s2e7: Fashion Weak

Getting an early start on my Labor Day weekend caused me to miss blogging about last week’s episode. Before I get into this week’s shenanigans, here are a few thoughts from Episode 6 aka She Gotta Big Alter Ego:

• Aren’t alter ego photo shoots for famous people not just second-season reality casts?
• Argument between Kandi and Nene on who is Ghetto’er or Hood’er? Totally ridiculous and boring
  

  Lisa in a Closet Freak creation

• OMG why did Kandi do that SAME stripper leg move at the belly dancing class that she did on the youtube vid with Fantasia!? One trick pony ass.
• Why is Kim still running with the cancer lie and demanding an apology from Lisa for calling her out on it? KIM… YOU admitted on television that you were never sick about 2 minutes after saying you had cancer. Ugh!
  Don’t be tardy for the party gotta be the biggest joke on television. Who even says “tardy” anymroe? Teachers?
• How come Kim has to keep a “Black version” of herself around? First Nene was her Black alter ego. Then Sheree was her Black twin. Now her assistant, Myliek, is the Black edition of Kim. With all of this mess, why didn’t Kim want Nene to paint her in blackface for the photo shoot again? (FYI, I’m glad Kim realized that showing up on TV in blackface, no matter what the rationale, would have been the end of her life).
• Why the FUCK don’t Kim’s kids eat anything beside fast food? How is Monday Chick-fil-A day and Tuesday is Taco Bell day? Great mom, thanks for all of this cellulite and heart disease!
• Quote of the episode: “I’m not telling the world that I’m a singer, what I’m saying to the world is that I’m better than Kim.” –  Nene

On to this week. The Hartwells, in addition to all their other endeavors (baby clothes, real estate, jewelry) have entered the fashion design arena. I know Atlanta isn’t Milan, Paris or NYC but damn… between Sheree’s model casting and Lisa’s casting this week, ATL models look like they’re running away not rocking the run way. Boo. Just like Kim can’t stand Lisa’s success (for whatever haterific reason), Sheree didn’t seem too happy about another non-designing designer among the housewives.

ANTM: It’s all about Nigel

"Whatever you liiiiiiiiike"

After winning an Emmy for best informative talk show and showing her real hair to the world, Tyra Banks is back with another season cycle of America’s Next Top Model. The show is more of the same (silly modeling challenges, cliched casting, tragic backstory, girlfights and overacting from Tyra and Miss Jay) but with a small twist – the models are petite. Aren’t they always petite except for a couple of token “plus” chicks? Yeah, but THIS cycle, the hopefuls are all under 5’7. I applaud Tyra for trying to tinker with the show’s formula and “break barriers’ in the fashion industry but um, I don’t believe it. Sure, I want the fashion industry to better reflect the realities of women’s bodies and to support rather than destroy body image ideals but I have little confidence that a plus woman or a short woman can make it in high fashion. Print and TV? Sure. Runways for top designers? No. This cycle promises to be like the rest so I won’t go into the episode. My focus is on something else entirely right now… Nigel.

After a couple of tweets with the fabulous Thembi (@thembithembi; What Would Thembi Do?), I had to share my appreciation for the wonderful ANTM judge and “noted” photographer Nigel Barker. I would add Nigel to my LIST* with the quickness but he doesn’t quite meet the requirements. Nigel is half Sri Lankan so he is “colored” enough to lust after openly and guilt-free, LOL. But really, he’s an even-handed judge, a good photographer, appears to be a good husband. has a British accent, and is much needed masculine eye-candy between Mr and Miss Jay. So yeah, this is a totally gratuitous, lustful post objectifying Nigel Barker. So what?!

*Referring to the List of White Men I’d Do if I Were Into White Men which at present includes the likes of Jason Stackhouse/Ryan Kwanten, and James Purefoy.

Guest Post: Maia’s Descent Is No Laughing Matter

I’m late getting this post up due to my long Labor Day weekend without computer access but last week, actress Maia Campbell’s name lit up the Twitterverse. Where the majority of people were quick to barbecue Campbell and speculate on her behavior (drugs, mental illness, etc) I tried to stay on the periphery and avoid making light of what could be a serious situation. Additionally, I find little comedy in actual drug addiction. Therefore, I was glad that my good friend D.L. Chandler (twitter: @dlc123) was able to put into words what I couldn’t/wouldn’t express. I considered not posting this because the buzz around Campbell has died down but whatever she’s dealing with is not over and the message in D.L.’s post remains relevant.

Maia’s Descent Is No Laughing Matter – D.L. Chandler

Like many young men in the 1990s, I found actress Maia Campbell to be one of the more attractive young black starlets on television. Early on, I discovered that she hailed from the Greater Washington Metropolitan area just as I did and that factoid endeared me to her as well. Of late Maia Campbell has fallen out of the public eye, and has been unfairly ridiculed by her poor life choices fueled by her bout with Schizophrenia. The daughter of late bestselling author Bebe Moore Campbell, Maia found fame on the LL Cool J vehicle In The House. For 3 seasons, the show enjoyed some mild success and Maia Campbell was a prominent fixture of the sitcom. Once the show ended, Maia worked bit parts in television and small movies, but nothing more.

I am not going to play reporter here and try to guess what happened beyond that point. What I do know is that in the last three years, nude photos of an obviously inebriated Campbell and a very recent video of the actress has appeared on the Internet. The gossip blogs, Twitter, message boards and news outlets (such as The Examiner) have all had their say to the inner workings of Ms. Campbell’s fall. We don’t know what’s leading her down this path nor do we know if she’s ever had adequate help – at least as far as what’s been released publicly. However, what is quite telling is how much of my Twitter feed was filled with hurtful jokes about her condition. The blogs and their comment fields were also filled with the same insensitive and lame commentary found in the linked Examiner piece above.

Paging Dr. Shanté

I’m not going to rehash the whole story here because it’s all over the webz, but when I heard how the feel good/made it out the hood story about former teen rapper, Roxanne Shanté, getting her record company to pay for her education (including an Ivy League Ph.D. in Psychology) turned out to be false, I wasn’t surprised. Not in the least. Oh, not that I thought a rapper from Queens couldn’t have accomplished such things…

That's Dr. Danielle Spencer now... as if she'd let you call her Dr. Dee Thomas!

I BEEN knew something was wrong because the Daily News article on this unique record contract and amazing rapper-turned-doctor referred to her as Doctor Shanté. People were repeating that mess on blogs, message boards, twitter and facebook. Dr. Shanté. Really? Um, wasn’t Roxanne Shanté your RAP name, one you dreamed up after hearing UTFO go in on some stuck up chick named Roxanne? How am I supposed to take you seriously when I’m seeking out a therapist and she’s going by her RAP MONIKER? Sure, we still call Queen Latifah “Queen Latifah” but she hasn’t left show business so it’s allowed. I bet if she were to become a surgeon or an attorney we’d call her Dr. Owens, Dana Owens, Esq.

All types of folks are known to fudge their resume and trump up their credentials and it’s pretty much accepted. Flat out lying about where you went to school and what degrees you’ve earned, however, is a douche move. It makes you look silly in the end and it’s an embarrassment that will stick with you forever. People like myself, working on 2nd and 3rd advanced degrees don’t appreciate it Ms. Shanté! It’s not like people go around telling everyone they’re rappers (oh, wait. nevermind. Anyhood, USA proves me wrong on that front).

It’s just that we would have always thought of little 14 year old Roxanne Shanté in her slicked back ponytail and doorknocker earrings rapping with the big boys and smiled. Now that she got our hopes up by faking the funk, people are let down and a bit peeved. If there’s one thing the hip hop community doesn’t tolerate, it’s a liar.

Hold up now. ALLEGED liar, because maybe she really did get those degrees. Maybe she is a psychiatrist that uses hip hop to heal her patients. Perhaps there was a mix up with the name she used to enroll (clearly, she’s not good at sticking with one name). It’s possible the record company wants to deny paying that money to save face and just maybe a couple of somebodies at Marymount Manhattan and Cornell have it out for the good rappin doctor. Slate could have it wrong just as easily as the Daily News. Even Russell Simmons is cosigning her! Gooden/Shante doesn’t seem to be fazed, though. As of last Thursday, her Twitter page was still posting links to articles like the Daily News piece (@DrShante. Hmph…if it’s her real twitter account). It doesn’t really matter to me how it turns out because either way, she’s still dead wrong running around as Dr. Shanté.

RHoAtl, s2e5: this is for my homies

You're a Taurus? OMG me too!

CONTAINS SPOILERS – I swear, this show is about as fake as Kim’s hair or Kandi’s “happy family.” Still, it’s another week, another episode and I’m sitting right here with laptop at the ready to take down all the shenanigans for you!

The saddest thing to me is the state of R&B music as evidenced by Ms. Kandi Burrus. No doubt that Kandi was singing her butt off with Xscape and I’ve heard her getting down since then. Blame it on old age or a dated sense of music but Kandi just doesn’t sound as good to me anymore. Plus she’s doing this tacky music I feel is beneath vocalists with real talent (see Mariah Carey).”I fly above all the haters?” How old are you? Oh, and if you didn’t catch it, that song was inspired by Kim. Aw Kandi, how sweet of you! :/

How strange that Kandi and Kim are best buds now. They were all in the studio bonding and Kim kept bringing up her own recording. Um, that wig must be clouding her judgment because we know Kim cannot sing. She couldn’t even sing to Kandi on the couch! Nene still blasts her out of the water with “Don’t be tardy for the party.” LOL

RHoATL, s2e4: such a happy family

Lisa's gym face

Last week left me wanting for some serious wig snatching and not that tease of a tug Sheree gave Kim. Thankfully, the episode was saved by Dwight’s fabulous party and boob inspections. Bravo, don’t fail me now!

Question: Is it necessary for Lisa to work out in a full face of makeup and that hair all down her back? I know when I’m up in the gym (or when I WAS up in the gym), I didn’t have time for all of that. Mascara all sweating down into my eyes and that hair is like having a heater on the back of your neck. Hmph. Yeah, it’s television but I thought Lisa went hard on her workouts.

I know this is not the nicest thing to say, but Kim’s children are terribly boring. I don’t want to see them ever again on this show. Especially when I’m subjected to scenes where two adults and two children cannot come together and figure out whether “sightseeing” is an adjective or a verb (FYI, it’s a verb). After acting like dictionaries don’t exist, the nanny tells Kim’s daughter that she’s going to hell for rapping her prayer (you can’t make this stuff up). Nanny’s job wasn’t in too much jeopardy at that point, though, because we know Kim is the queen of empty threats. Just like she says one tihng to Nene and Sheree and never follows up on it. Kim could’ve axed the nanny right then and there and she probably should have because a little later, Kim got the heads up that the nanny had left the kids home alone to make a tampon run. Damn.
Question: why does Kim need a nanny? She doesn’t work, right? How come she can’t raise her kids?

Kandi attempted to get her family together for a photo shoot, a la the Sears Portrait Studio. You know, the ones where everyone is dressed alike? Wheretheydothatat? That’s still in style? No, it’s not. Kandi is just bass ackwards but we knew that when she signed up to marry some dude with 6 kids and 4 different mothers (and you’ve only known him for 8 months)? Who is she trying to convince with her “we are a happy family” spiel? I think she might say it 3 times an episode, every episode. We don’t believe you, boo. I know her momma doesn’t believe one single bit of it the way she removed herself from the “family” picture.