ANTM: It’s all about Nigel

"Whatever you liiiiiiiiike"

After winning an Emmy for best informative talk show and showing her real hair to the world, Tyra Banks is back with another season cycle of America’s Next Top Model. The show is more of the same (silly modeling challenges, cliched casting, tragic backstory, girlfights and overacting from Tyra and Miss Jay) but with a small twist – the models are petite. Aren’t they always petite except for a couple of token “plus” chicks? Yeah, but THIS cycle, the hopefuls are all under 5’7. I applaud Tyra for trying to tinker with the show’s formula and “break barriers’ in the fashion industry but um, I don’t believe it. Sure, I want the fashion industry to better reflect the realities of women’s bodies and to support rather than destroy body image ideals but I have little confidence that a plus woman or a short woman can make it in high fashion. Print and TV? Sure. Runways for top designers? No. This cycle promises to be like the rest so I won’t go into the episode. My focus is on something else entirely right now… Nigel.

After a couple of tweets with the fabulous Thembi (@thembithembi; What Would Thembi Do?), I had to share my appreciation for the wonderful ANTM judge and “noted” photographer Nigel Barker. I would add Nigel to my LIST* with the quickness but he doesn’t quite meet the requirements. Nigel is half Sri Lankan so he is “colored” enough to lust after openly and guilt-free, LOL. But really, he’s an even-handed judge, a good photographer, appears to be a good husband. has a British accent, and is much needed masculine eye-candy between Mr and Miss Jay. So yeah, this is a totally gratuitous, lustful post objectifying Nigel Barker. So what?!

*Referring to the List of White Men I’d Do if I Were Into White Men which at present includes the likes of Jason Stackhouse/Ryan Kwanten, and James Purefoy.

Obligatory ANTM Post

I am sorry. I didn’t really want to make an America’s Next Top Model post. Buttttttt I was watching the 2-hour season premier of Cycle 11 and I couldn’t keep some thoughts to myself. What can I say, I’m a junkie for ANTM. I haven’t missed a episode in FOREVER (thanks to DVR)! Instead of give a whole recap of the ep, I’ll just give some commentary about each chick this Cycle:

Sheena

At first, Sheena annoyed me. I thought she would be exploiting that Asian Girl Acting Black Up In Harlem role. As the ep went on, I started to like her more. She’s fun and confident. She also seems to be helping the other girls and supporting them in being confident. If anything, Tyra’nem will be exploiting her. Mr. Jay already called her “Hooch” in a photo shoot.

Sharaun

Okay, Sharaun (first name Brittany, but there are two other Brittanys in the competition) is pretty annoying. I didn’t think she should have made it into the house over Kacey (who was sure to bring drama and good TV). I’m not impressed yet.

Nikeysha

Nikeysha was cool in the beginning but she wilted by the end of the first ep. Representing the Bronx, she’s still somehow raising the roof. That’s hot in the BX, still?

Samantha

Honestly, I find Samantha to be boring. I don’t remember much about her.

Marjorie is from France. She moved to the US when she was like 7 and was home-schooled. She’s more socially awkward than homegirl from last season with Asperger’s. She’s terribly lacking in self-confidence and giggles nervously after every sentence. So cute, though. I hope she gets it together. I hope TYRA and the producers get it togther and QUIT playing that cheesy French music everytime Marj pops on screen.

Marjorie

Joslyn

Joslyn claims that she tried out for ANTM 30 times. She’s the oldest (I think) at 23. ANCIENT!!! LoL. This picture is actually really nice because when she first popped on screen she looked more like 27 and had a ponytail piece badly cocked on the top of her head. She’s sweet though, and country as all get out. Me likey and the judges do too.

Mckey

Mckey is the second Brittany. She spars with her MMA fighter boyfriend and (wo)mans his corner during cage matches. She’s cute, cuter whenever they get rid of that red mop on her head. I like her. She reminds me of the wrestler chick from a couple seasons ago, minus the weird skin and lesbian-ism.

Lauren

Lauren… another forgettable face. Well, the judges raved about her blue eyes. Eh.

Isis

Isis. Ah, Isis. The ratings draw. Best year ever goes to Transsexuals/Transgendered folks. I have no issue whatsoever with Isis. I think she’s “fierce” and clearly knows her stuff. She was handpickedafter standing out in the background as an extra in a photo shoot from last season. So what she tucks and tapes? The others are hating because they’re scared they’re going to get eliminated before a biological male. Where’s Maino? Hi Hater! Nah, but I like Isis because she’s open about who she is, she’s not on the show to promote some greater agenda and she’s just nice.

Elina

Elina, on the other hand, makes no apologies for having an agenda. I’m just not sure what it is yet. She’s vegan. She’s an animal activist. She’s transcendant-sexual (I just made that up to refer to folks who say things like “I love all people. I’m a very sexual person. I don’t see man or woman, just a human to love”). She doesn’t wear dresses. She only wears black. She has a crush on another girl in the house and said it’s her favorite thing to change straight girls over to her side. She’s kind of hot and scary in an Interview With A Vampire kind of way.

Hannah

Hannah. Sheesh. If she tells us one more time that she’s from Alaska, I’m going to die. This should be a new drinking game: Everytime you hear her say that, TAKE A SHOT! You’ll be wasted 30 minutes in. She talks about living in the Alaskan wilderness which, while fine and true, I find truly annoying. People have this idea of Alaska as some barren, foreign land. Sure, there’s a lot of wilderness there and rural areas. Still, Alaska is a popular vacation spot with cities and “normal” American people (no Palin joke here, although I take notice that one could be made). She’s the archetypical small town girl that reality TV loves so much. Kill me.

Brittany

When Brittany (the third!) says she has Indian in her fam-lay, she’s not lying. African American and Native American, this chick is riding for Nevada. She’s a cutie and has the benefit of appearing to be several races… definitely an asset in modeling.

Annaleigh

Annaleigh looks like this one actress whose name I cannot remember for the life of me. Ugh. Tyra says she walks with the “wind in her hair.” Ok, I can get with that. She’s kind of a follower, in my opinion but that remains to be seen.

Clark

Finally we have Clark, no “e”. She’s the house bitch, if you will. Overconfident. Mean. Hater. She’ll get cut down soon enough, trust.

And there you have it. ANTM Cycle 11. Expect more cliches and silly premised photo shoots. Expect a “you’re a racist!” accusation, more issues with Isis and a breakdown or seven. I love it.

FIERCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!