ANTM: It’s all about Nigel

"Whatever you liiiiiiiiike"

After winning an Emmy for best informative talk show and showing her real hair to the world, Tyra Banks is back with another season cycle of America’s Next Top Model. The show is more of the same (silly modeling challenges, cliched casting, tragic backstory, girlfights and overacting from Tyra and Miss Jay) but with a small twist – the models are petite. Aren’t they always petite except for a couple of token “plus” chicks? Yeah, but THIS cycle, the hopefuls are all under 5’7. I applaud Tyra for trying to tinker with the show’s formula and “break barriers’ in the fashion industry but um, I don’t believe it. Sure, I want the fashion industry to better reflect the realities of women’s bodies and to support rather than destroy body image ideals but I have little confidence that a plus woman or a short woman can make it in high fashion. Print and TV? Sure. Runways for top designers? No. This cycle promises to be like the rest so I won’t go into the episode. My focus is on something else entirely right now… Nigel.

After a couple of tweets with the fabulous Thembi (@thembithembi; What Would Thembi Do?), I had to share my appreciation for the wonderful ANTM judge and “noted” photographer Nigel Barker. I would add Nigel to my LIST* with the quickness but he doesn’t quite meet the requirements. Nigel is half Sri Lankan so he is “colored” enough to lust after openly and guilt-free, LOL. But really, he’s an even-handed judge, a good photographer, appears to be a good husband. has a British accent, and is much needed masculine eye-candy between Mr and Miss Jay. So yeah, this is a totally gratuitous, lustful post objectifying Nigel Barker. So what?!

*Referring to the List of White Men I’d Do if I Were Into White Men which at present includes the likes of Jason Stackhouse/Ryan Kwanten, and James Purefoy.

Dear Tyra,

Ahhh Tyra. I really do respect how you’ve been on the grind since you were like 14. You did the high fashion modeling thing then parlayed your newfound curves into Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated gigs. Then you hit up television and banged out cycle after cycle of ANTM. You’re nipping at Oprah’s heels with your talk show. You run a camp for teen girls, T-Zone (oddly named since when I think of a T-Zone, I think of the oily patch on my nose and forehead). You are doing it, girlfriend. *Snaps* I bet you have a clothing line, magazine or home decor line in the works a la Martha Stewart.

My point is, I like you. I like you despite the fact that you sometimes make serious fashion and hair blunders. I like you despite the fact that you exploit peoples’ ethnicities and backgrounds on ANTM. I like you despite the fact that you always put emphasis on words that often do not need emphasizing and you take unnecessary pauses in the middle of words. Super annoying, honeychild. *More Snaps*

This, however, I can’t really excuse or defend. You’re wilding out. Maybe you had a bit much wine, I can empathize there. Maybe you took too many painkillers. Again, empathy. This is just bad judgment. Alas, I have no choice but to post the offending evidence of your impending mental breakdown on my blog. You’re my girl, but like I said… indefensible!