Tag Archives: divorce

On: Divorce & the kids.

I have no concept whatsoever of what it’s like to be a child of divorced parents. I just saw this girl on the show Private Practice crying because she thought her parents were going to get back together. I really can’t understand what that must be like. My parents were never married to begin with. Where I grew up, I can’t recall ANY of my friends’ parents being married. Well, wait, I just thought of one, but that’s it. I can usually empathize with people on a number of things but that one I can’t.

I know it’s harsh, but sometimes I want to be like so what. In situations where your parents both still love you and still want to see you and likely don’t live that far away from one another, why does it hurt so much if they don’t love each other anymore? Maybe it’s not that deep. People love each other and get divorced. Perhaps they can’t get along or someone was cheating. Either way, I can’t understand why kids get so bent out of shape about it. I’m not talking about little kids either, because I can see why they might bug out. I’m talking 12-17 year olds. Hell, even adults bug when their parents break up. Folks end up in therapy for years over their parents’ breakup!

I’m not saying they don’t have a right to be sad or angry. Not at all. I’m just saying I have no frame of reference for that and therefore I cannot empathize or understand where that sadness/anger stems from.

I never wished my parents were together. Clearly they don’t even like each other that much. I just wanted them to be better parents independent of one another. My grandparents were married but ended up being separated. They never got divorced but saw other people. My grandad had a child with another woman. Nobody got bent out of shape. That child, my aunt, is just as much a part of the family as anyone else. It was just understood in my family and neighborhood that relationships don’t always work out. People have kids but don’t get married. Marriages that do happen are not long lasting.

I want to get married. I want to be married once and that’s all, preferably. I don’t think one should rush into divorce, but sometimes I do believe it’s necessary. Yet if I didn’t get married, no one would fuss. I have friends whose parents pester them about when they’re going to get hitched. My family has never ever ever asked me that question. Ever. They could care less I think. I don’t know why I want to get married or why I have these strong ideals set around marriage but I do. Maybe it’s a push in the opposite direction from what I’ve known for so long. I do a lot of things opposite from my family.

Are your parents divorced or together? What’s the big deal about it all?


Filed under relationships, Routine Ramblings