Tag Archives: funny

Spotlight: StopNReflect

LOL @ this blog StopNReflect. I remember last summer when I was working downtown in Philly I was taking all kinds of covert camera phone pictures of fashion failures. Folks were getting on me saying it was mean and whatnot but damn they came out like that! Now I’ve found a kindred spirit whose camphone captures folks who should have stopped and reflected on what they were doing before leaving the crib… or at the very least should stop and look at their reflection between closet and the streets of NYC. Apparently the blog author is a law student so I wonder what that says about people in our profession? Hmm…

Some personal WTF faves below but be sure to check the site yourself.

 

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Filed under Funny like "haha", I'm Judging You (reviews & criticism), Spotlights, Swiped, What kind of fuckery?

uncle wit

I had the dumbest conversation a couple days ago. I was sitting here with my uncle and my step-dad (who is only my step-dad because saying “my sister’s father” is so cumbersome) enjoying the night breeze, drinking Guiness and Heineken (my uncle opted for Steel Reserve. SMH), and blowing it down (cuz that’s what the kids are calling it).

Anyway, my step-dad, who has been broken up with my mom for years now, was talking to us about all of his female troubles. He’s a single dad with two girls under 15 in the house, one in college, and two boys who visit every other weekend. He just got out of a relationship with the mother of the boys. They were together for 10 years but had a falling out and he says he’s no longer in love with her. So we’re here, chilling, and he’s telling us about the women he’s been dating.

First, he has a “booty call” (his words, not mine). This woman supposedly knew she was just on booty call status from jump, but ended up catching feelings. He’s toying around with dumping her altogether to eliminate the stress, but still “values” her company. Next there’s the woman he met around town who has a lot of baggage. She has three bad kids, is a white woman with a fetish for Jamaican men (he’s Jamaican), and she’s trying to be all chummy with his daughters. She basically invited herself and her kids over one day, stayed the night and left some shit at the crib so she can keep coming over and picking it up piece by piece. Wow. Finally, there was the woman he met online who he has never met in person. He’s attracted to her and likes her personality but there’s one thing he cannot get over… she’s 5’2.

The step-dad is 6’4 and is adamant about not dating a short woman. After all of the outlandish conversation we three were having, this little piece of information was too much for my uncle to swallow. He basically put the brakes on the whole thing and was like “whoa whoa, when did you get so picky?” See, you gotta understand that my uncle would date anyone. He said straight up that his only two qualifications for a woman are breathing and AIDS-free. So much for standards. I was laughing so much at this part of the conversation that I had to jot down little notes on my cell phone to remember the tidbits of “advice” my uncle was laying down. Some selections:

  • Extreme examples. I don’t know why, but my uncle is constantly dealing in extreme examples, which I hate. For example, when telling my step-dad how much he didn’t care about superficial things like height, he said, “I don’t care if a bitch (yep) is 1 inch or 7 billion feet tall. If she fine, I’m gettin’ with her!” Like really? You don’t care if she’s 1inch tall? I guess Thumbelina could be my next auntie then.
  • When the step-dad talked about how the sex had gotten wack with his last girl (the boys’ mom) as time went on, my uncle tried to explain that it wasn’t that the sex had gotten worse. It was just that the more you get to know a woman, the less sexy she becomes. To make his point clearer he offered, “How you still gonna be attracted after you know she get shit on her hand after wiping her ass?” To which my step-dad replied, “Nah, nah. Why you even sayin that? Use another example!” My uncle contined to explain that getting to know someone and their habits “changes their sexy.” “It’s like, I don’t even wanna fuck her cuz she don’t say excuse me when she burps! Women just need to try harder to stay sexy cuz when your girl bend over with a thong up her ass, you forget how she took a shit on the floor!”
  • Finally, after becoming totally fed up with the fact that the step-dad keeps finding things wrong with perfectly good women (in the uncle’s opinion) my uncle left us with some wise words: “You gotta stop throwin out good bitches. Recycle em. Recyc-Ho. You gotta Recyc-Ho. Otherwise, you throwin out a Rolls Royce just because it gotta dent!”

Yes. This is the family I come from. These are the people responsible for influencing my childhood. It’s a miracle I turned out half as well as I did!

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Filed under relationships, Routine Ramblings

Just for laughs

Donwill posted this up last month but I just got around to watching it. Glad I finally did because it made me chuckle. Granted, it got a bit weird toward the end but hey, who am I to judge? No nudity but “balloon animal” sex is depicted so if that’ll get you in trouble at work sucks for you. Should have an office instead of that lame cubicle anyway.

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Filed under Funny like "haha", Swiped, Talk Sex

Chocolate High?

No, not that India and Musiq yaddermean.

Yo, wtf? I know I’m probably late because I don’t get TV over here but um, AXE is wildin! AXE Body Spray has always employed interesting commercials i.e. women uncontrollably tearing away at men who wear their fragrance, but this one had me rolling.


According to their website:

AXE Dark Temptation is the new fragrance by AXE inspired by what women love most…chocolate.

AXE Dark Temptation combines the subtle aroma of chocolate with fresh gourmet scents, including hot chocolate amber and red peppercorn, to bring modern sophistication to this distinctive fragrance.

I mean, I’ve always been partial to men of a more chocolatey complexion, but this? Hahaha! “Dark Temptation” sounds like a male stripper in a leather thong or the label on a box of black dildos.

Also, are we to assume that if chicks are eating his nose, biting his butt and tearing off his arms, that they’re all over his chocolate peewee too? AXE, yall ain’t slick!

Let’s bet: How long before someone uses the term “blackface” in relation to the commercial?

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Filed under Funny like "haha", Routine Ramblings, What kind of fuckery?, Yummy bodies

I’ve killed Barack so many times!

Sorry BHO! Sorry to you too because if you’re anything like me, you’re going to waste a ridiculous amount of time playing Super Obama World.

PLAY HERE


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Filed under Funny like "haha", Routine Ramblings

Damn, is he funny?

First off, shout out to Joe Torry for holding down Def Comedy Jam after Martin left. Martin was the GOAT host, for sure, but Joe Torry had me rolling with that “Damn, is he funny?” bit with the head dip at the end.

I can’t tell if this guy Elon is funny or not with his This Week in Blackness vids. Check episode 13, Black, black, blackity black and let me know.

swiped from JJP.

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Filed under Funny like "haha", I'm Judging You (reviews & criticism), Swiped

I chuckled

I’ve already given a shout to Passive Aggressive Notes for being a cool blog to check for. I was looking around today and came upon this submission. I thought it was frickin’ hilarious. Peep Oliver’s two notes to his flatmates and Sarah’s succinct, yet witty, response:

the identity property of flatmates October 26th, 2008

sarah in new zealand says all three of these notes went up before 10 a.m. on monday (trash day). adds sarah: “we can only assume that oliver keeps some kind of detailed diary about everything that happens in our flat, but only refers to it when things haven’t been done.”
the identity property of flatmates


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Filed under Funny like "haha", Spotlights, Swiped