You better work!

By now, I assume most of you have seen the card RuPaul did in Obama style. If not, see Exhibit A.

I’m not really going to go on about the photo except to say that I think RuPaul looks freakin’ fabulous as Michelle and pretty damn sharp as Barack too. Seeing the photo made me think of RuPaul who has been off of the radar for a minute. I thought about how cool she was and was inspired to blog about it.

RuPaul was doing her thing in the 90’s, no doubt about it. It’s weird because I feel like all kinds of people were accepting of RuPaul then or at least enjoyed her for the entertainment value. She was the world’s favorite drag queen. This short clip basically sums it all up:

I Want to Work for Diddy – Mission 6

Mission 6 – The Unforgivable Hustle

I feel like I’m a definition of a hustler. Certain people are blessed with that common sense, go-getter, hustler type of attitude. If you can combine those forces, they’re the type of people I want on my team.
– The Tao of Diddy

Yo, last week was crazy, right? Boris straight up called Kendra OUT! This week didn’t let me down, either. We started off with Mike and Poprah getting into it. Thank you Diddy for continuing to bring the drama!

The craziest thing about this week’s ep was the booting of LAVERNE! Yes, child. LAVERNE! I don’t know if she really should have gone. Maybe this was just a way to get rid of her early, because honestly… would the Diddster roll with a Transsexual assistant? We’ll never know, now. I liked LaVerne a lot. I thought she was pretty level headed and together.

Brief recap, the teams’ challenge was to go to Sephora and sell as many bottles of Sean John Unforgivable as they can. They also had to make promotional T-shirts.

Downtown started off with a bang, so to speak. Mike’s idea for a shirt: “Now Smell This”. His explanation: “Women always think they coochie smell good. C’mon, Keep it funky!” The team hated on it, but I thought it was kind of clever. Not the coochie part, but overall.

Once again, the team was trying to exploit LaVerne’s identity as a trans person. She shoulda kirked the fuck out about it, she was certainly entitled at that point. Ever the lady, LaVerne kept herself in check.

Unfortunately, it seems like LaVerne’s identity is working against her in this challenge. People aren’t responding well to this tall, deep-voiced, Black woman who pretty obviously was born a man. Sex sells and many of the people in Sephora aren’t interested in sex with LaVerne. She wasn’t able to connect with the customers and didn’t close a deal.

I Want to Work for Diddy-Mission 5

Mission 5 – HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD: Assist Diddy’s Family

“Bad Boy Entertainment to me, it’s not just a company. We are an army. You seen the movie 300. It’s a small unit of us but we’re lethal. We are the best at what we do, you know. We take no prisoners. No mercy.”
-The Tao of Diddy

I can’t get into the blow by blow tonight. All I need to say is that these people suck. I would SO make a better personal assistant for Diddy. Granted, I might quit super fast, but I’d be able to make the cut before all of those jokers. Where’d they get these morons? Maybe it’s because they have to work in groups, I don’t know. I think if you didn’t have to deal with so many competing minds, you’d get more done quickly. They do have to keep the drama for television though I suppose.

To begin, and it’s no surprise, Poprah had a plan – Pimp LaVerne. See, Uptown Team was told that they’d have the option of selecting a member from Downtown Team. Kim set her sights on LaVerne. Her rationale: Diddy wouldn’t really hire anyone like LaVerne anyway. Damn.

This episode was filmed at the time when Diddy got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Time for the potential PAs to “handle” Diddy’s Mom and on/off girlfriend Kim Porter. Keeping the women in his life happy was key. Honestly, I’d be trying to snatch that tacky blonde bullshit off of Ms. Combs’ head.
Uptown gets Mama. Downtown got Babymama.

I’m convinced Kim/Poprah will get her own show from this. SOMETHING. She’s dropping tears. She’s orchestrating the fall of Red and other teammates. She’s pulling the strings and it’s horrible and fabulous at the same time. She’s clearly the one you love to hate.

I Want to Work for Diddy – Mission 4

Briefly, last night’s episode was about Diddy.com. The Diddster wanted the potential assistants to make viral videos for the site. Apparently, Diddy’s been making viral vids for a minute and they’re all the rage – an assertion that was strange to me because I’ve never seen, nor heard, of any of them… and I’m ALWAYS online.

Anyway, once they got started you know Poprah had some expertise to contribute. Let her tell it, she’s a expert in everything. She says she has video production experience but pushes Brianna into the leadership/producer position. I don’t know why Brianna couldn’t see it, but she was clearly being set up for the okey doke. Poprah’s smart because she’s going to make her teammates eliminate themselves one by one. Her Uptown team comes up with the idea of “What would you do for Diddy?” and sets about filming average folks doing dumbass shit (writing “no bitchassness” on their heads, eating a frozen fishstick, etc).

Meanwhile, Downtown Team starts out trying to exploit Laverne’s sexual orientation for laughs. Way to move the movement. She was acting all peeved about it (to which she’s entitled), but decides to take one for the team if it means winning. Laverne’s no fool, let’s face it – Trannies are funny. Still, the calls from her team to “Tranny it up!” and “Go Tranny on ’em!” were a bit much. *Dials GLAAD* Finally, Downtown settles on an idea mocking Diddy’s love for organic Mott’s Applesauce by using Boris as the “Applesauce Bandit.” Boris (the originator of that idea) was on board at first, but then he started to feel like he would be degrading himself. Why? Because he’s fat. Now I find it odd that he’d be all for exploiting Laverne, but feels some kind of way about wearing a tight outfit. DUDE… we know you’re fat in your everyday clothes! There’s no difference if you put on a costume!

I Want to Work for Diddy – Mission 3

Working for me is like a rollercoaster ride, or if you woke up and thrown into the middle of an action movie. You have to be ready to be dropped in the middle of the jungle. You have to be prepared for anything.
– The Tao of Diddy™

If they pull something out this beautiful and amazing, I will be shocked and RuPauled.
– Laverne

Oh damn. Talk about unfair. Only about a few of the contestants get called down by the RED PHONE (calls from which must be answered immediately) to pack their toiletries and get in the car. Once inside, they find out they’re headed to Paris, France! Pretty cool. Laverne, Boris, Kim and Suzanne head to Europe while the others chill back in NYC. I guess they can take solace in the fact that there will be no time for sightseeing or crepes. Just haulin’ ass for Diddy.

When they arrived, their assignment is to find a model, convince her to come to NYC and do a photoshoot. Oh, by 4pm. The NYC folks have to plan a “sexy, original” print ad for Sean John eyewear (hmm, I’m in the market for some new glasses).

In a city they don’t know, with a language no one can speak, my girl Laverne has enough Vogue, House of Ninja and Sashay Chante in her to set up a meeting with the model’s agent at a bakery. See, that’s why you need a Rainbow Coalition member on the team. Boris was just straight hating though. He really can’t get over his problems with Laverne being a transgendered woman.

I don’t care if I gotta walk to Zimbabwe, cut down some trees in a forest and jump on the back of a giraffe, but naked, with no money. If that’s my mission, I’mma come back successful.
– The Tao of Diddy