Dear LIT,

I hate you. I think you’re the worst drink ever. Before last night, I hadn’t drank a Long Island Iced Tea in years. Really, I think I had my last one in Chapel Hill around 2004. You know what happened? I was at a bar called The Library and they were charging a lot for top shelf liquor. So I said “fine” and let them make me a LIT with Well liquor. FAIL. My boy ended up holding my purse while I yakked up my guts in an alley on Franklin Street. That was also the same night I almost vomited on a cop’s shoes, but that’s another tale, isn’t it?

Vodka, gin, rum, tequila, triple sec, sour mix and a splash of coke. It really doesn’t taste that good and you’re likely to get shit-faced pretty quickly. I guess that’s what some people want, but I don’t know. The LIT screams immature drinker to me. I see someone order that and I immediately judge. Clearly they just don’t know what else to drink because if they had any bar knowledge whatsoever, they’d choose something way better. I put LIT orderers in the same box as people who still drink Amaretto Sours nonstop. Now, I can make a little room for people who just like those drinks a lot. I have a friend whose go to drink is the LIT. I wouldn’t say he’s 100% lame, but I will say that I don’t fully respect his drinking game.

Last night, I stopped to get a drink before going to catch a movie. I ordered a dirty martini, my boy ordered a LIT. He finished it and ordered another, but realized that he was already feeling some kind of way from the first one so he passed me the LIT to finish. Normally, I’d say no. But since it was my birthday, you kind of have to drink poured liquor. Besides, I was way more sober than I’ve ever been on my bday, so I drank it. Chugged it actually. I was trying to make a movie! I should note that homegirl who made the drink FILLED the glass up with liquor, leaving only about an inch of space in the glass for the sour mix and coke.

Let me tell you how that shit was disgusting. I can’t remember why I EVER drank that shit other than the fact that freshman year (when I drank them quite often), I didn’t know better. Didn’t know what ELSE to drink. Ugh. It was hella nasty. Anyway, here’s the tragedy – Seeing as I only ate one meal that day and was still exhausted from my Halloween partying, that martini and LIT hit my like a ton of bricks. Long story short, I had to pull the car over and regurgitate out of the door. Sexy, right? I fucking hate Long Island Iced Teas.

Now that my system is free of LIT residue, a few bullets about the wknd: