My Tiger Woods Post

Do you know how there are some people, no matter what they generally do, you just won’t get upset with them? I feel that way about Sean PDiddy Combs. I feel that way about Beyonce. I feel that way about Tiger Woods. For now. There’s no telling how this story is going to develop, and it seems to be developing every 12 hours, but right now I really don’t see what the big honking deal is about Tiger Friggin Woods.

Yes. That man cheated on his wife. Can’t say that I’m surprised and no, it is not right. Let me reiterate, it is not right and I do not condone cheating on your spouse no matter who you are and how much money you have. When it comes to Tiger cheating on his wife and the mother of his children, Elin, I think she and their family should be very upset. Should *I* be very upset? Nope. Disappointed? Why?

Tiger Woods is a celebrity, yes. While I’m not one who looks to celebs and athletes as role models, I understand that many people do. Therefore I expect them to live up to that burden as best they can. But come on, humans are going to fall short EVERY TIME. Why are we so surprised that Tiger Woods has the same kind of vices and failings that most of us battle with on the daily?

I had to shake my head for real when I came across Ta-Nehisi’s blog today. I saw he posted an excerpt from the AP. Apparently, “journalists” say that Black people are pissed that Tiger didn’t cheat with any sistahs. Huh? One of the world’s greatest mysteries is not “why are we here” but “will white people EVER know what Black folks think about anything in the entire universe?” I’m no spokesperson for Black people (though I do have a degree in African-American studies which probably qualifies me for something, if only in my mind), but I’m going to take a stab at it and say that we don’t give a fuck.

When Tiger Woods first burst out onto the national scene, we were like, “yo, that’s a Black dude playing golf. Funky fresh!” (no, we didn’t say that last part). He was brown and his dad was clearly a Black man. His mom was Asian… so what. (See Wesley Snipes. Who’s blacker than him?). Even when he came out with that Cablinasian hulabaloo we still said, “whatever, joe. that fool Black,” and continued to cheer for him. Tiger’s victories were our victories even when we didn’t tune in to the Masters or the Opens. When he married a blonde Swedish nanny we were not surprised. Not because we thought he was some sort of self-hating sellout, but because that’s pretty much expected when you grow up around white folks in a sport dominated by white folks. Plus she’s hot (if you’re into that sort of thing). So I ask you, dear readers, why the hell would ANYONE be surprised that he was cheating with 7, 8, or 9 blonde white broads? What would have been a heart-stopper would be Tiger dipping out on Elin with a Jill Marie Jones, Regina Hall or Malinda Williams type (all beautiful, btw). No wonder new media is taking over if this is what J-schools are cranking out these days. Do better AP. Matter of fact, do better all traditional news outlets.

More on the news… I watch every morning as I get ready for work. I may as well turn to TMZ since that is where Fox5, ABC, CBS, etc get their info from. The news is full of speculation. Like Chris Rock said, they’re just making things up, not reporting what happened! I can’t deal. They were reporting this “story” before it was actually a story. They harassed Tiger to make him give a statement when one wasn’t necessary. They’re exploiting what ought to be a private family matter. Dude is losing endorsements. I could go on about those endorsements, but all I’ll say is that Gatorade, Nike, American Express and whoever else cuts him a check might need to check themselves before they riggidy wreck themselves. If wholesome family man is a requirement for an endorsement, they’ll have to pull out of business altogether.

Look yall, I don’t want to hear that Tiger and Elin had a violent relationship. I don’t want to hear that he hurt her emotionally or any other way. Nor her, him. If those things happened, I want the law to get involved where necessary and for use to be spared the rest. Must I know what Tiger says in nasty voicemails to his sidepieces. God no! Maybe I’m missing something, but why is this newsworthy? Why is this an opportunity to comment on how Black Tiger is? Le sigh.

focusing on healthy relationships

Today is “Taking it to the Streets” day for Strong Start, an organization dedicated to educating young people about healthy relationships and ending teen dating violence. Eleven organizations in Atlanta,, Austin, Boston, Bridgeport, the Bronx, Idaho, Indianapolis, Los Angeles, Oakland, Providence, and Wichita will be helping spread the message about healthy relationships. According to the website, Start Strong is also encouraging people to join the conversation online – “We are asking for your best thinking, your best advice, your best observations to get this country learning about healthy relationships, how to have them, build them, keep them and ensure that violence and abuse are never tolerated.”

It’s great that Start Strong is doing this work and even greater that they’re taking it to the streets today during Domestic Violence Awareness Month to help people see that teen dating violence is truly related to domestic violence overall. A lot of the time we focus on the negative when trying to create awareness by telling people what they should NOT be doing or by showing them how jacked up their lives and relationships are. This campaign builds off of what many advocates know already and what President Obama said in his official National Domestic Violence month proclamation on Oct. 1:

During this month, we rededicate ourselves to breaking the cycle of violence. By providing young people with education about healthy relationships, and by changing attitudes that support violence, we recognize that domestic violence can be prevented. We must build the capacity of our Nation’s victim service providers to reach and serve those in need. We urge community leaders to raise awareness and bring attention to this quiet crisis. Together, we must ensure that, in America, no victim of domestic violence ever struggles alone.

Even amidst all this positivity, I’m kind of saddened. As a soon-to-be 28 year old woman (Nov 1!), I realize that neither I nor many of my peers know how to articulate the characteristics of a healthy relationship. So few of us have seen them or been in them. If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll see that this is a true statement. How can we be mentors and teachers to young people starting out? Start Strong’s target audience is 11-14 year old boys and girls. Good, it’s not too early. Clearly we all needed some help learning how to love ourselves and one another in a supportive, encouraging, uplifting and healthy way.  I’m going to keep an eye on this organization and I hope that you do too. Try following Start Strong on Twitter.

Here are ways that YOU can participate ONLINE on October 22nd.  It’s easy and will only take a few minutes of your time:

1. Give Start Strong your relationship feedback. They need to know what you know. Click Here to give your feedback!
2. Post a conversation starter to your Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/yfxr7yl) or Twitter profile. This will have a major impact.
   • For example:
     • (insert name) how do you start strong? Join the conversation http://tinyurl.com/tothestreets
     • (insert name) is on a mission to define a healthy relationship. Join the conversation http://tinyurl.com/tothestreets
     • (insert name) is wondering how do you define a healthy relationship. Tell us how to Start Strong before it ends wrong http://tinyurl.com/tothestreets

do you take this man (and his name)?

After a heads up from Feministing, I learned that the American Sociological Association put out the results of a recent study showing that about 70% of Americans believe that women should take their husband’s last names when they get married and 50% think it should be a legal requirement. Wow. Although I am not one to put too much stock into polls (I, nor anyone close to me has ever been polled about anything remotely significant so I have no idea where they get these people and their opinions), that’s a large percentage for something so traditional and antiquated. And BY LAW? Why?

I am at that age where more and more of my friends are getting married. I’ve noticed a trend among the women to keep their own last names to the complete exclusion of their husband’s or to take their spouse’s name name in addition to theirs (with and without hyphens). That’s not to say that the majority of women in America don’t take their husband’s names, but maybe it’s a generational thing that not too many of my peers feel obligated to take their husband’s name.

One common characteristic of the women who haven’t totally forsaken their own names is that they are extremely ambitious. Maybe they’ve already accomplished a significant amount in their lives and certainly plan to continue doing so. In my opinion, it’s just not fair to assume (or in the case of any legislation, mandate) I will change my name and erase this identity that has existed for 27 or more years. An identity that has been through a lot and accomplished much more. I agree with Jessica at Feministing when she says

What’s really distressing about this news – Laura Hamilton, the study’s lead author says that when respondents were asked why they thought women should change their last names, “they told us that women should lose their own identity when they marry and become a part of the man and his family.”

friendship, interrupted

I was reading an article from Double X by Emily Bazelon about how the recession is wrecking friendships…

Because of the downturn, friendships between two people whose Saturday night spending and overall class status used to calibrate precisely have now turned into trickier relationships between one person who still has money and one person who doesn’t.The rifts between friends created by the recession are a kind of collateral damage.

While I don’t 100% identify with the article, it did make me think of how some of my friendships have changed since my situation has changed. I won’t blame the economy for not staying in touch with friends but I know that since things have been shaky with me on the job front, I’ve intentionally let some friendships slide to the back burner.

You would think that in times of stress, frustration, despair and worry (all feelings one might have when unemployed or otherwise disillusioned), you would surround yourself with people you care about. People who care about you too. You’d want to spend all your time with your pals who can help lift you up, make you laugh and remind you of all the good things in life. Eh, it’s exactly the opposite. While I miss hanging out with my friends and talking to them on the phone or online, I’d just rather not bother. I don’t want to be reminded of the good times because frankly, it just reminds me of the life I used to have. So, I’ve been avoiding folks.

uncle wit

I had the dumbest conversation a couple days ago. I was sitting here with my uncle and my step-dad (who is only my step-dad because saying “my sister’s father” is so cumbersome) enjoying the night breeze, drinking Guiness and Heineken (my uncle opted for Steel Reserve. SMH), and blowing it down (cuz that’s what the kids are calling it).

Anyway, my step-dad, who has been broken up with my mom for years now, was talking to us about all of his female troubles. He’s a single dad with two girls under 15 in the house, one in college, and two boys who visit every other weekend. He just got out of a relationship with the mother of the boys. They were together for 10 years but had a falling out and he says he’s no longer in love with her. So we’re here, chilling, and he’s telling us about the women he’s been dating.

First, he has a “booty call” (his words, not mine). This woman supposedly knew she was just on booty call status from jump, but ended up catching feelings. He’s toying around with dumping her altogether to eliminate the stress, but still “values” her company. Next there’s the woman he met around town who has a lot of baggage. She has three bad kids, is a white woman with a fetish for Jamaican men (he’s Jamaican), and she’s trying to be all chummy with his daughters. She basically invited herself and her kids over one day, stayed the night and left some shit at the crib so she can keep coming over and picking it up piece by piece. Wow. Finally, there was the woman he met online who he has never met in person. He’s attracted to her and likes her personality but there’s one thing he cannot get over… she’s 5’2.

The step-dad is 6’4 and is adamant about not dating a short woman. After all of the outlandish conversation we three were having, this little piece of information was too much for my uncle to swallow. He basically put the brakes on the whole thing and was like “whoa whoa, when did you get so picky?” See, you gotta understand that my uncle would date anyone. He said straight up that his only two qualifications for a woman are breathing and AIDS-free. So much for standards. I was laughing so much at this part of the conversation that I had to jot down little notes on my cell phone to remember the tidbits of “advice” my uncle was laying down. Some selections:

• Extreme examples. I don’t know why, but my uncle is constantly dealing in extreme examples, which I hate. For example, when telling my step-dad how much he didn’t care about superficial things like height, he said, “I don’t care if a bitch (yep) is 1 inch or 7 billion feet tall. If she fine, I’m gettin’ with her!” Like really? You don’t care if she’s 1inch tall? I guess Thumbelina could be my next auntie then.
• When the step-dad talked about how the sex had gotten wack with his last girl (the boys’ mom) as time went on, my uncle tried to explain that it wasn’t that the sex had gotten worse. It was just that the more you get to know a woman, the less sexy she becomes. To make his point clearer he offered, “How you still gonna be attracted after you know she get shit on her hand after wiping her ass?” To which my step-dad replied, “Nah, nah. Why you even sayin that? Use another example!” My uncle contined to explain that getting to know someone and their habits “changes their sexy.” “It’s like, I don’t even wanna fuck her cuz she don’t say excuse me when she burps! Women just need to try harder to stay sexy cuz when your girl bend over with a thong up her ass, you forget how she took a shit on the floor!”
• Finally, after becoming totally fed up with the fact that the step-dad keeps finding things wrong with perfectly good women (in the uncle’s opinion) my uncle left us with some wise words: “You gotta stop throwin out good bitches. Recycle em. Recyc-Ho. You gotta Recyc-Ho. Otherwise, you throwin out a Rolls Royce just because it gotta dent!”

Yes. This is the family I come from. These are the people responsible for influencing my childhood. It’s a miracle I turned out half as well as I did!

*snaps*

Although I can watch the flick over and over again, Love Jones came out over 10 years ago. For the most part, that spoken word poetry BS can stay right back there in ’97 as far as I’m concerned. Still, I ran upon this clip from Def Poetry posted on Chile Please and I was nearly clapping at the end. Kind of got off to a slow start, but around 1:38 I was like, “oh.”

I obviously spend too much time in school

“I’m building memories on things we have not said” – Fiona Apple

While here in JPN, most of my classes have an international focus. When discussing international law and the hierarchy of authorities, treaties are right at the top. They’re like the supreme agreement between States. The thing about treaties, and it’s somewhat obvious, they cannot be unilateral. They have to be an agreement between two or more nations. A unilateral treaty is really just one nation’s forced will upon everyone else. You know, kind of like how Britain did to everyone else in the world with colonialism? After going to class for about a week, all of this international law is floating around in my head.

Couple that with what happened just the other night. Sitting around talking with the ladies, someone said that it was possible to fall in love with somebody all by yourself. Then last night, I fell asleep to the sounds of my iPod on shuffle and Fiona Apple delivering the line quoted above. What does any of that have to do with the other? Probably not much, but in my random-assed mind, it all came together like wow, it’s totally possible to have a unilateral relationship where you’re the only one involved.

the ex files

So I saw one of my ex boyfriends this week while visiting in North Carolina. Let’s call him Jordan. Apparently Jordan still has me on his AIM Buddy List and saw my away message that read: “In NC.” He IM’d me and suggested we see each other. At first I was a little hesitant. I was surprised to hear from him and one of the first things I wondered about was all of the other away messages he must have been reading. Second thing I thought about was why he wanted to see me anyway. We did not end well at all and there is no interest on my end to get back together. He said he just wanted to see me and see how I was doing. Fine, okay. Well my friends and I had plans to go bowling so I told him he could stop by the bowling alley. He originally wanted to meet at a “quaint bar” as he put it, but I figured it was best that we were with my friends instead.

He was all cheesing when he saw me, told me I looked good and sounded impressed when I talked about some of the things I have going on for myself right now. It shouldn’t matter, but it felt good that he “approved”. I guess there’s always that feeling of vindication when your ex is clearly still into you and you’re not into them. Even more than that, when they can see that you are better without them. I know for a fact that I am healthier, stronger, better (and thinner, lol) than I was when we were dating and it felt good that he could see it too.

Who loves you, baby?

Saw this over at It’s like I’m … mmmagic! and thought it was too cute. I’ve had some of these happen in relationships, still waiting on others.

Then He Loves You

If he always gives you the last bite of his sandwich or the first lick of his ice cream cone, then he loves you.

If he’s seen your high school yearbook photo and says he still loves you, then he loves you.

If he’s counted all your freckles,- even the ones behind your knees, then he loves you.

If, right before sleep, he leans in, buries his nose in your hair and inhales, and when you ask what he’s doing, he smiles a smile that reminds you of a secret and says ‘nothing’, then he loves you.

If he tells you that you make chickenpox sexy, then he loves you. He’s lying, but he loves you.

If he’s laid beside you in a too small bed, in a too dark room and listened as you told him all the ways you feel like you are failing, then he loves you.

If he remembers the name of your arch enemy from the sixth grade and hates her because he knows all about how she started the rumor that you only used boys deodorant, when you didn’t– then he loves you. And he hates her. But he loves you.

Dating Personality

So I took this “test” today over at OKCupid and was LOL’ing at the result. It’s a bit lengthy but simple enough. Try it out and let me know what you come up with!

You are: Ghengis Khunt!
Random Brutal Sex Master (RBSM)

We almost called you Brutus the Uterus and attached this picture.

But we figured you wouldn’t understand, and rightly so. We don’t understand either. So you are Genghis Khunt: master of man, bringer of pain–riding your way to conquest after conquest.

Your sexual avarice is legendary. You’ve already had an unusually high amount of experience, and, still you look for more. You intimidate many. You make no apologies.

Personality-wise, you’re carefree and relatively easy-going. You don’t plan things out ahead of time; you tend to live in the moment. Of course, this can cause some damage when the moment happens to include a screaming orgasm with his younger brother. Hence the ‘brutal’ tag we’ve given you.

But you know what, take five seconds to lock the doors, and you’ll be fine. There’s nothing wrong with a little sex, or a whole lot.

Always avoid: The Slow Dancer (DGLD)

Consider: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Playboy (RGSM)