Tag Archives: sex

That’s so gay!

I don’t understand some people’s fixation over what’s gay or not. Not necessarily WHO is gay, but what. What inspired me to write this was a trip last weekend to the Kanamara Matsuri, also known as the Festival of the Steel Phallus in Kawasaki Daishi, Japan. A brief summary of the festival is necessary, I think.

Kanamara Matsuri is a Shinto festival that has, over the years, grown into a spectacle combining the sacred with the silly. According to the Japanese magazine Metropolis, the festival dates back to the Edo period (1603-1867).

At that time, Kawasaki’s “ladies of the night” prayed not only that business would be brisk, but for protection from syphilis. Come cherry blossom time, they gathered baskets of bamboo shoots and other sprouting delicacies, carried the shrine’s phallic image in procession through the streets, and then sat down to a merry banquet on mats spread out on the courtyard of Kanamara Shrine… Today, the highlights of this saucy festival include transvestites parading through the town’s streets carrying a mikoshi (portable shrine) with a humongous pink phallus on top. And, if that’s not guaranteed to make you blush as deeply as the surrounding cherry blossoms, then the spectacle of grandmas and grandpas sucking on carnal candy and sweetmeat replicas of this stupendous phallus, is more than likely to.

It’s the last part of the description that spawned my annoyance. I traveled to the festival by myself just to take in this scene and, of course, snap some pics. I got there and ran into 3 guys from school so we chatted and kicked it a bit. What was at first a pleasant afternoon became incredibly annoying when all the guys could do was talk about how GAY everything was.

Sure, you don’t see things like that everyday. Grown men don’t just walk around with dildos strapped to their heads. Senior citizens don’t go around brandishing dick-shaped dough and young men and women don’t stand on line for 30 minutes to get their hands on yellow and pink penis pops. Wait, take that back.

See: dildo head and penis pop (lower rt corner)

See: dildo head (center) and penis pop (lower rt corner)

You don’t see things like that everyday when you’re from SC, FL and Jamaica which is where those 3 guys hailed from.

They pointed at one person and another, talking about how the guys were sucking on the lollipops. One of my schoolmates wanted to get something to eat and felt some kind of way about buying a hot dog because, well, we were at a penis festival. One of them wanted a lollipop, but was adamant that it would be gay of him to do so.

Now, I’ve referred to things as gay or ghey before, don’t get me wrong. I’m not on some holier than thou kick. I just don’t get obsessed with trying to point out what’s gay or not. I wonder, does suckin a lollipop shaped like a vagina make me a lesbian? Will I be consumed with a desire to go out and meet a woman, tear off her clothes and lick her box? No.

It was just annoying. I find men who are so fixated on what’s gay or not to be terribly unattractive.  Dude even told me that sucking on a lollipop is gay, period. No matter how the pop is shaped. To make himself clear, he told me that if given a blowpop, he’d bite it as soon as he put it in his mouth. I said, well damn, I guess you should just stick to gum and not lollipops then. It was clear to me that my schoolmates were just uncomfortable being in a setting where men were dressed as women and brazenly participating in the festivities. I’m pretty sure that many of the people who were there were in fact straight, heterosexual people but it was a party, ya know?

Grandmas go hard.

Grandmas go hard.

I always think back to a debate that went on in my boyfriend’s dorm room freshman year of college. He and his buddies were arguing over whether, if one possessed the ability to fellate himself (if you know what I mean) and did so, did that make him gay or was he simply  masturbating? The crux of the debate is whether to focus on having a penis in your mouth (which they said, was gay all the time) or the self-pleasure (which is what masturbation is all about). To this day, I don’t believe they’ve ever settled it. I bring that up because it’s a silly argument and if you knew those guys it would be really funny to you. But I also mention it to highlight the stupidity of such discussions. Like, really dude… maybe you’re gay because you’re spending so much time trying to classify what is and is not gay. Maybe my 3 schoolbuds are gay because they basically spent their afternoon criticizing how other men sucked a lollipop. Doesn’t matter to me though, since they all sound like idiots, regardless of their orientation.

FYI, the shrine in Kawasaki Daishi is real and a place of Shinto prayer and ceremony. The festival helps to celebrate the shrine and to raise money for HIV/AIDS awareness. Can’t be mad at that.


Filed under I'm Judging You (reviews & criticism), Routine Ramblings, travel

Love Lockdown?


Swiped from The Curvature, Cara writes about limited condom access at CVS stores. We’ve all seen condoms locked up behind the counter or out in the aisle somewhere. Like Cara says, I don’t buy condoms at places I need to ask permission to get inside the case. It’s a rubber, not the Hope Diamond! Anyway, it sucks but it’s not hard to believe that communities of color are getting hit with the lockup more so than others. Read the blog below and then click the link at the bottom to make your voice heard on the issue: Continue reading


Filed under Good Reads, Health & Wellness, Pay Attention!, Swiped, Talk Sex

Just for laughs

Donwill posted this up last month but I just got around to watching it. Glad I finally did because it made me chuckle. Granted, it got a bit weird toward the end but hey, who am I to judge? No nudity but “balloon animal” sex is depicted so if that’ll get you in trouble at work sucks for you. Should have an office instead of that lame cubicle anyway.

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Filed under Funny like "haha", Swiped, Talk Sex

Dating Personality

So I took this “test” today over at OKCupid and was LOL’ing at the result. It’s a bit lengthy but simple enough. Try it out and let me know what you come up with!

You are: Ghengis Khunt!
Random Brutal Sex Master (RBSM)

We almost called you Brutus the Uterus and attached this picture.

But we figured you wouldn’t understand, and rightly so. We don’t understand either. So you are Genghis Khunt: master of man, bringer of pain–riding your way to conquest after conquest.

Your sexual avarice is legendary. You’ve already had an unusually high amount of experience, and, still you look for more. You intimidate many. You make no apologies.

Personality-wise, you’re carefree and relatively easy-going. You don’t plan things out ahead of time; you tend to live in the moment. Of course, this can cause some damage when the moment happens to include a screaming orgasm with his younger brother. Hence the ‘brutal’ tag we’ve given you.

But you know what, take five seconds to lock the doors, and you’ll be fine. There’s nothing wrong with a little sex, or a whole lot.

Always avoid: The Slow Dancer (DGLD)

Consider: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Playboy (RGSM)


Filed under relationships, Swiped

More freaky furniture

So after you’ve spent Black Friday shopping for your chaise lounge Tantra Chair, you might need a “foot stool” to complete your naughty decor. Promising to “take the gravity out of sex,” the BodyBouncer is a sex gadget that will take some stress off of your body while you’re getting busy without freaking out your mother if she busts an unexpected visit.

According to the Daily Bedpost: He lies under it, you sit on top, and the handy hole lets you, er, connect. […] “Just the slightest flexing of her thighs sends her gliding up and down–gently and sensually–yielding an erotic connection with astonishing potency.” In other words, sex that doesn’t leave you feeling like you just spent an hour on the Thighmaster.

Ohhhhkay. I have to say that I find this pretty strange. I mean, he puts his, um, well… put it through the hole? Not only is that just plain weird, but you miss all of the good skin to skin contact. Then again, if you’re worried about skin to skin because you’re super paranoid concerned about safe sex, I guess you couldn’t go wrong with a condom AND a BodyBouncer! Still, for $199, this thing is testing the pockets in a recession. Wonder if I can find something similar at Ikea and use a cookie cutter to get the hole popping off? Check out the site’s “Groove Gallery” for all of the bizarro nifty ways you can use the thing. Click for some not-so-bad-after-all uses (NWS):


Filed under relationships, Swiped, Talk Sex

Lowered expectations/just grow up/catching up with old friends

I’m wondering if some of us are looking for something in relationships that is just plain unrealistic and which does not exist? Maybe we need to get real and lower the bar a little. But how do you do that without feeling like you’re settling?

I had the pleasure of catching up with an old friend tonight. My girl called me up and we talked for over 3 hours. We’ve known each other since 6th grade, but we became friends in 7th grade after she got into some fight with another chick who was beefing with me. She’s been married for about three years now. As we were catching up, the conversation got around to who I was seeing and all that. I said no one and we started talking about dating since my last relationship (which was nearly two years ago). All of that led to a discussion about what’s more important and what to look for in a partner.

I was telling my girl about a couple of really good guys that I know. These guys are what you would call the practical choice. They’re smart, independent, doing well in their respective careers, family-oriented, funny, sweet, and most importantly, they deal with my crazy ass. On paper, they stack up pretty well and if you were hiring for a husband, well you’d definitely invite them in for a second and third interview. Still, there is something holding me back from seriously trying to build anything with them. There’s a piece missing. I always say it’s a certain je ne sais quoi. I guess I mean there’s no spark. Isn’t there supposed to be a spark?

By that I mean isn’t there supposed to be some kind of passion there? I was having a similar talk with another close girl friend who was telling me about a guy she knows who just gets under her skin every time. He’s totally in her system. The problem is, he really ain’t shit. That’s when I realized that that is the way it always seems to go. I can definitely identify. I’ve met men who, just the thought of them, could get me excited, make me smile and make me think back to… well, shared moments. Usually, it’s the guys who really get you going (usually for some reason you can’t even explain) are the ones who lack all of those other practical qualities one would want in a partner. Wouldn’t it be fabulous to combine those men together? Can’t you have a man with all of those practical, stable, desirable qualities who you also can’t stop thinking about for a single day? A man that gets under your skin? A man that makes you feel silly and giddy and girly? Continue reading


Filed under My Life, relationships, Routine Ramblings

Voulez-vous coucher avec une araignée?*

I love the French. Europeans just don’t give a fuck when it comes to ‘keeping it real’ and sex. I’m late, but check out these ads for AIDS/safe sex awareness from France c/o AIDES. Illustrates the hell out of the point, right?

I don’t know why, but people are still not getting the message: Unprotected sex is like screwing a scorpion or getting head from a hairy ass spider. Ew? I really like how the first ad with the woman and the spider depicts oral sex. Ask 10 people and I bet you 10 people will tell you that while they might use protection while having sex, they don’t use anything when giving/receiving oral. It’s the dumbest thing smart people do. Videos from AIDES.org after the jump


Filed under Health & Wellness, Pay Attention!, What kind of fuckery?

The economy is f*cking with my sex life

Well, a lot of things are fucking with my sex life, but that’s not important right now.

With our nation’s financial future in question and the price of regular stuff like cheese skyrocketing (Cracker Barrel Vermont White Cheddar, why must you rape my pockets?), I’ve decided to cut back on spending. Well, as soon as I made that decision, I spotted a sweater that I’m drooling after and a piece of furniture that I’m lusting for. “Lusting” being the key word.

Although I have no space in my wallet, nor my shoebox apartment for this piece, I think I need the Tantra Chair. The thing looks more like some pretentious chaise lounger than a giant sex seat. According to the chair’s site:

The gentle arc design cradles your body and provides a support system that enables you to comfortably sustain a wide variety of new and exciting sexual positions. In most of the positions, the female has a great amount of control over the depth and angles during intimacy.

You will find that there is a feeling of weightlessness when making love in the Tantra Chair. Because your entire body will be supported, you will not feel the weight of your partner. This aspect opens up a tremendous amount of possibilities as your focus shifts away from your bodies and more into the sensual experience.

See how far you can take this baby after the jump


Filed under Uncategorized

Spotlight: Smitten

Glamour magazine online has a blog called Smitten. it’s alright but I mostly like the new feature which shares tales of awkward sexual experiences. Let’s face it, we’ve all had them. This had me literally laughing out loud. Can’t wait for more.

“My Horribly Awkward Sexual Experience.”


…First up is a hilarious 29-year-old editor in New York. Her steamy tale, after the jump…

One summer, I was interning in D.C., and I went out with a junior politician. He was a total pleaser–didn’t drink, very handshake-y, a really good guy.

At the end of the night, I went home with him, and we started hooking up.

So he goes down on me. I don’t particularly like that; it’s not my thing. But I have to throw a kid a bone because it’s nice of him, and he thinks he’s doing something fabulous. So I faked this elaborate orgasm. My fake orgasm had two messages: One, thank you, and two, you’ve done your thing, let’s finish up. Continue reading

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Filed under Spotlights, Swiped

Prove your love

I find this terribly amusing.

It’s 2008. Men & Women are having sex. We like sex. We live in a sexualized society. We’re gonna do it. No doubt about it. But yeah, it’s 2008 and you can’t just go out in the streets and do the do like you want to. People can DIE from sex (and not just from a heart attack during the reverse cowgirl, either)! I don’t have to tell you… HIV/AIDS, my friends. So what do you do? You’re sure as hell not going to stop having sex altogether. You’re going to protect yourself the usual route – Condoms and being discerning about the partners you choose.
Running to CVS, Target*, Walgreens, or the local clinic to get some rubbers is easy as pie. It’d be even easier if they stopped locking them up behind the counter where a woman who resembles your grandma is ringing up toothpaste and Bubble-Yum. What’s the hard part is choosing that good partner. We know that he/she looks clean isn’t worth a damn. Snooping in the medicine cabinet probably didn’t yield any results. No big bottle of pills labeled AIDS MEDICINE or anything. You really just have to trust what he/she tells you. Or you can request to see proof that they’ve been tested and is HIV-negative.

Do you have your test results within easy reach? Keep ’em framed on your wall? In a file cabinet? What about in your wallet next to your condom (a wallet is a poor place for a condom, by the way)? Hmm, wait a minute. In your wallet might not be a bad idea… What’s In Your Wallet?


Filed under I'm Judging You (reviews & criticism)