Tag Archives: what-not-to-wear

Remember bandanas as a universal accessory?

I don’t know if this happened anywhere outside of my bamma ass town, but we put a lot of money on bandanas. Not that bandanas are expensive – you could get them for a dollar. We just bought a lot of them. See from about 1993 to ’95, nearly everyone I knew owned a cadre of bandanas in every color imaginable. They had multiple uses and HAD to coordinate just so with your outfit. Some examples of how they were used:

  • Tied around your head. This isn’t too hard to imagine as it’s a common way bandanas are worn. Think Tupac or Jennifer Lopez in her Diddy/Jenny from the Block phase.
  • Tied around your ponytail. This is when you use your bandana in the same sort of way you would use a scrunchy. Roll that thing up and twirl it around the base. This was a particularly bad look when your ponytail was barely existent in the first place and your hair is overwhelmed by printed fabric. Oh, you can totally mix the two: ponytail as headband and as scrunchy but I don’t recommend it.
  • As a pocket square. You MUST iron your bandana for this. Iron it and fold it in three sections then hang it out of your back or front pocket.
  • Tie it around your ankle (because clearly, at this time wearing one pant leg up was acceptable).

We were so jacked up and didn’t even know it. What are some of your old school fashion no-nos?

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Filed under Routine Ramblings

Dear Guy Dressed in Really Big Clothing,

You look stupid.

Let me preface this with some background. On the bus last night, I saw a dude who was wearing the biggest “shirt” I’ve ever seen in my entire 26.9 years on this planet. This shirt was so huge he could have, and probably did at some point, tripped on it. There was nothing attractive about that outfit at all. It had to be a 10XL and that’s a modest estimation. The arm holes alone could have made a loose skirt for a big-hipped woman! Where the hell did he buy that shirt? It was clearly made for those uber obese people who need cranes to remove them from their homes. Under this shirt/dress he wore some dark baggy jeans. On his feet, homeboy wore some fake Air Force Ones screen-printed with $100 bills all over them. I wish I could have taken a picture. If you need a visual, think of the Chipmunks.

This is not a blanket dis to the young kids out there. Sometimes I’m amused and appreciative of the creative ways in which these kids are putting together their outfits. The colors, the accessories. Fitted hat setting off the laces in your kicks, accenting the colors in your shirt, and so on. If you’re young and stylish, that might be totally appropriate.

I’m just calling out those clowns walking down the street. Old people, too. C’mon gramps. Your ass is 62 and you’re wearing baggy shorts, a jersey and dunks… and it’s not game day.

WHO THINKS THIS IS ATTRACTIVE?

That guy with the shirt/dress got dressed that morning and thought he looked cool. That’s such poor judgment or just indicative of a mental deficiency. Brother was deprived a few Flintstones Vitamins in the past, I guess.

So yeah, you… dressed like Jared in his “before” pants

You look stupid.

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Filed under I'm Judging You (reviews & criticism)

Where’s PETA with their red paint?

First, let me say that I’m all for the ethical treatment of animals but I do not condone some activists throwing paint on someone’s fur coat. That does NOT get your message across and will only guarantee an ass whooping gift wrapped from me to you (although I would not wear a fur coat to begin with).

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, pop open a figurative can of paint for this damned doggie bag.
Thanks to Clutch via Kanye’s blog, I peeped the Louis Vuitton Dog Bag.

I get how this is supposed to be funny and/or irreverant. People carry their dogbabies in designer purses all the time. Why not just carry the dog as the purse? What I don’t understand is why the damned dog is so ugly? Aren’t the lap dogs usually cutesy lil’ thangs? This bag looks disgusting because it reminds me of a taxidermy/stuffed dog. Yuks. The idea of a zipper down its back in which you stuff your lipgloss, iPhone and condoms (better do it!) is kind of sick. WTF are those eyes made of? I’d have trouble shaking the feeling that they were staring into my soul. *shudders* Not to mention that I think the monogram bags are kind of over anyway.

Are you rocking this? Will it scare your dog? Can you carry a dog in your dog? What will children think?

Fashion… I swear.

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Filed under I'm Judging You (reviews & criticism), Swiped, Um, ew

Play my funk

So I stumbled upon this vid/song again after who knows how many years, right. I had to click on it because I remember it being a good song, but I couldn’t really recall how it went. It’s from the Sugar Hill Sdtk, by the way.

As soon as the track started I could recall ALL of the words. Yo. This jawn knocked, even though I didn’t ans still don’t know what the hell she was really talking about. I mean WTF? I can’t stop laughing and hitting rewind.

Adapt to my taps, I’m two snaps
I’m too through, ooh, I’m too through
I kicks butt, strut as I gluts for fame
And goes ‘can’t nobody hold me’


Whatever happened to her?

Sidenote:I remember my girl LaQuea used to rock that same synthetic braid bob. I had it once. No I didn’t put cowrie shells in ’em, just those gold cuff-looking things! That’s Quea at the bottom in the hat and purple pants:

Back in the Day

By the way, I’m not in this pic. I’m taking it. Rest assured, however, that I looked as jacked up as the rest of them chicks. Just a comment about this photo… the date looks like 6/5/95. Why the hell are Quea, Carmelita and Nadia dressed like it’s November and Beverlee’s looking all summertime? LMAO!!

Sidenote 2: Simple E. I’m not a fan of using the word simple to describe yourself. I don’t think of simple as in uncomplicated. I think simple as in stupid.

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Filed under Music & More, Routine Ramblings

Good & Broke / Good & Ugly

Part I: Good & Broke

People ask me ALL OF THE TIME what kind of law do I want to go into. Honestly, I don’t know why they’re asking. They don’t really care and it’s just one of those things they feel like is the next logical question after finding out that I am in law school. Kind of like when people ask you you’re doing and keep walking. They’re just exchanging pleasantries. PI

Anyway, I usually say that I will be doing public interest work. When people hear that, they usually tell me how great that is and how much the work I’ll do will be needed. I heard the same kinds of things when I used to work for a domestic violence agency and when I worked with an ethnic-relations nonprofit. Currently I work with the homeless. Aren’t I just a saint? I told one of my bourgie pals what I was doing for work this summer and he said, “I love you for that.” Yeah, thanks.

See, I feel like most people are impressed when they hear that you do public interest work. It’s good work and needs to be done. There are too many indigent and poor people out there who need legal services and advocacy on their behalf and not enough professionals out there to do the work. I also think they’re impressed because it’s work they would do themselves but for one thing… the MONEY. Continue reading

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Filed under I'm Judging You (reviews & criticism), Routine Ramblings